The Gungle according to Saint Mervyn- The Salivation Plan

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The Gungle according to Saint Mervyn

1) This is the story of the Little Lord Joozis as told by his Faithful Side-Kick Saint Mervyn, who was his cheif faith-full Side-Kick until Saint Pewter came along.

2) Now the People of the Great God Mota were camped allong the Mud Banks of the Wash-Ka-Happy River in Milpitas which is by the great salt pile and near the place where the Hoogly Black Computer is built.

3) And this is the book of the generations of Joozis of Milpitas of which many have said Jeez. And to fullfill the prophesey thusly.

4) "And the Son of Davidson Shoes shall rise an be made Hoogly and give out many Stock options for Mota and Elucelom", according to which the Prophets have spoken or spaken as the case may be.

5) And to return to our story......

6) Abraham begat Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak.

9) And Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak begat Jake of Javits and Epominandas; and Epominandas begat Charlie; and Charlie begat Bellanoche and Bellanoche begat Archie; and Archie begat Bigamist; and Bigamist begat Bafoofkit; and Bafoofkit begat Chester;

10) And Chester begat Donatello; and Donatello begat Ernie; and Ernie begat Fettucinni; and Fettucinni begat Gaylord; and Gaylord begat Houlihan; and Houlihan begat Isuzu; and Isuzu begat Jackson ; and Jackson begat Kabuki; and Kabuki begat Luigi; and Luigi begat Michael;

11) And Michael begat Nick; and Nick begat Original Joe; And Original Joe begat Prima Pizza; and Prima Pizza begat Rosbud; and Rosebud began Siamia; and Siamia begat Tratoria; and Tratoria begat Vanessi; and Vanessi begat Wah Ching; and Wah Ching begat Xing Wah

12) And Xing Wah begat Yangzte and Yangzte begat Zambini

13) And the generations of Joozis are 30 which is 2 times 3 times 5, a good and Hoogly Number. For all numbers are good and Hoogly and are Interesting.

14) For if you find a number which is Not Interesting, therefore it is the first of the Non- Interesting number, which makes it Interesting.

15) Now the Birth of Joozis is in this wise. When Zambini was a young man and straight out of Plumbing School he dated Mavis whose father was in the shoe business (Davidson's Shoes). Now Mavis would not Fool Arround because she was a true follower of Poopy Panda and feared the Evil Herpes, but she was a hot tomale and Zambini was in love. So in order to get Mavis to Fool Arround, Zambini had to marry her.

16) Mean while Mavis had a dream and in her dream the Lord Rocoe dressed in his finest Fur Coat appeared and spake saying, " Fear Not of Marrying Zambini for He has a Job and is friendly with the business agents son and any way, Ye are with Child of ASHLOZMO and do it now!"

17) Upon hearing this, Zambini and Mavis got married quickly and invited all of the Plumbers and all of the Shoe Salesmen of the town, even unto Mishigas, the intinerant traveling prophet. And then Zambini was able to Fool Arround with Mavis and they were verily happy.

18) And Zambini did much Pumbing to support his wife and Mavis took in Legal Secretarial work and was a Para-Leagal and did wills and contracts.

19) Now all this was done that it might fulfill the words of the Prophet Mishugina which said, " Out of Milpitas shall come a child, and his Name shall be Joozis the Plumber."

Chapter 2

1) Now when Joozis was born in Milpitas in California in the Days of King John the Sexy, behold, there came Venture Capitalists and Stock Brokers to the Hospital.

2) Saying, " Is this the Hoogly Child which is to bring Stock Options and Investment Instruments that would cause all men to say Jeez?"

3) When John the King heard of these things he was troubled and all Washington with him.

4) And he gathered all of the Sooth sayers and Sithe sayers and demanded of them Jeez.

5) And they spake saying, Wherefore hast thou much touble with Kruschev and his follower Fidel, why botherest ye over this Joozis?"

6) And in Mil-Pi-Tas in the land of California the Hoogly family did go to Las Vegas for they heard that there was much work there for Plumbers and Para-Legals.

7) And they stayed at the Star-dust Hotel and the Venture Capitalists found them and worshiped the child,but the child had not Stock Options and so they left.

8) Now when King John was Gone an Angle of Mota came to Zambini and said,"Arise up, Son of Slimey Drains and Water Mains, and go back to California."

9) Then the Hoogly family returned to Mipitas and lived in an apartment near the Wash-Ka-Happy Slough.

10) Now Poopy Panda came to Joozis spake saying, "Build an Ark out of Shittim Wood and Bull Pucky sticks and provision it with Baloney Sandwiches and Soda so you can fulfill the prophesy"

11) And Joozis did as was Commanded by Poopy panda and set sail down the Wash-Ka Happy Slough.

12) And a rain of 100 dollar bills came down, followed by a rain of investment instruments and filled the little ark untill Joozis thought he might drown.

13) And Joozis Blew up the Inner Tube and made camp among the Rails and Avocets.

14) And the Marsh Mice came and ate from the Baloney sandwiches, being true followers of the Lord Roscoe.

15) And then Joozis returned to his family after giving them conniption fits.

16) And Zambini was at first very angry with Joozis and was about to give hime a shelacking when Joozis spake saying, " See I bring many 100 dollar bills and other investment instruments."

17) This made Zambini and Mavis very happy and they saw it as a sign from Mota and Lord Roscoe and Poopy Panda and the Spirit of Ashlozmo.

18) And Zambini used the money to build a great Temple to Mota and Poopy Panda and Lord Roscoe there on the shores of the Wash-Ka-Happy River. And Mavis was the receptionist and cooked the books.

Chapter 3

1) In thoses days came Jonathan of Lo-Gan preaching in the wilderness up in the hills of Fremont

2) And Saying, " Repent for the Kingdom of Mota is a Hand or at Feet. Bulldoze his paths strait, even unto i580 and i680."

3) For this is he that was spoken by the prophet Mishigas saying, The voice of one public relations guy, publishing in the Mercury and the town crier."

4) This same Jonathan had a Cammel colored BMW with leather seats and an auto reversing blaupunt radio.

5) And he went out around San Francisco and spoke with his car radio so all could see.

6) Then many came to hear Jonathan Lo Gan and he set them in pure waters of swimming pools and made them do the Flutterby.

7) The same was was a witness for the Lord Roscoe and the Great God Mota and for Poopy Panda to proclaim Hooglyness throughout the world, and to witness that teddy Bears were light as was the Lord Roscoe.

8) He was not that light, but weighed close to 100 Kilos, but was sent to witness that teddy Bears were light.

9) That was truely light as was the Lord Roscoe who wasn't too heavy either. Even The Three Lord Roscoes together were not very heavy.

10) When the Lord Roscoe was in the world many advertisements were made proclaiming the Hooglyness of such an event, unto He Who Holds the Whole World in His Paws.

11) And all the other Hamsters did rejoice and worshiped the Lord Roscoe as an incarnation of Mota and Elucelom.

12) But as many as believed, to then he gave power and Kilowatts and to be true sons and daughters of the Mish Mash Converter.

13) Now when he saw the Phoney Stock Brockers and the Venture Capitalists come he said unto them, " Oh generations of Vibbles, why hath you not invested in the True stock Options of Mota and the Bond of Elucelom?"

14) Bringing forth the fruits of Futtons and Goblty Gooks and gave them unot Poopy Panda.

15) And do not say unto yourselves, " We are sons of Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak " For I say unto you that Mota will make new sons who wil hearken unto the Hoogly Bubba Miesah.

16) Then commeth Joozis from Milpitas to be thrown into the Hoogly water of swimming pools. And Joozis came with Stock Options and 100 dollar bills.

17) And Jonathan Lo Gan said, "I indeed throw you into the Hoogly Water, but consign unto me this burden."

18) And Joozis did many laps of Flutterby and Jonathan got out of the prophet busines and went into the profit busines and became a Management Consultant.

19) And Joozis was verily tired and went home to his parents in Milpitas.

20) And the spirit of ASHLOZMO filled the boy and a voice was herd out of a noctiluminescent cloud, " For this is Joozis in whom I am well accounted."

Chapter 4

1) THen was Joozis led up to the Mountains of Fremont to seek out Jonathan of Lo Gan.

2) But before he could find him the Evil Snerd came and grabbed him up. And also appeared unto him, Snidely Whiplash.

3) And Snerd said if ye be a true son of Mota and Elucelom give us the Stock Options and Investment Instruments that Mota has geiven unto Ye,.

4) But Joozis answered saying, "Nay but Jonathan of Lo Gan has a knack for investment and I will not speak futher untill ye has given me a Number 9 from TOGOs."

5) So Snidely Whiplash did drive down the mountain and did buy up a 6 foot Number 9 and all did eat thusly.

6) And Snidely Whiplash didst leave and Snerd didst also.

7) And Jonathasn Lo Gan came with his BMW and took Joozis back home.

8) And Joozis sought to make a gang and called it the Gungle Gang and all of the memebers of the Gungle Gang were uprightious and fun. And the funnest one was Mervyn (This being written by Mervyn - Pewter comments).

9) And the friends of Joozis were :

1 Mervyn
2 Pewter
3 Chiam Pippick
4 Jonathan Lo Gan
5 Phillip
6 Barry
7 Thomas
8 Tree Lee
9 Charlie Chan
10 Allison
11 Julie
12 Andrew

Chapter 5

1) Now Joozis being 13 years old began to preach unto the masses. And he gathered them together outside the Temple of Mota and spake saying;

"There was a car dealership in Hawaii which sold Z cars and a big Snail came into the showroom and said that he wanted to get one of these cars, but that , since he was a snail, the Z had to be changed into an S. So because the snail had a lot of money and because the salesman needed the business he changed a Z car into an S car. Now when the car had been changed. the Snail got in and zoomed away. Now the salesman said to his boss, " Look at that S-car Go."

2) And Again Joozis preached;

" There were 5 men who went hunting in the woods of the far northwest. Not being very fond of cooking, but being fond of eating they drew for which one was to be the cook. Now here is the deal. Whoever complains about the food will have to be the cook.

So the 4 men went hunting and the fifth man stayed in the camp and made a delicious supper of roast, salad, and apple pie with icecream. The second day also the fifth man made an ecxelent dinner, bur now he was getting upset about not getting to go hunting. So while walking through the woods he spied some moose manure and gathered it up. The meal that night was also good and avery body ate it. Now came the pie. the first man grabed a pie slice, bit into it and exclaimed, " Moose turds by gosh, but Good".

3) And Again Joozis preached;

" There were three explorers in the Amazon river basin looking for the rare and beautiful Foo Bird. They came to a native indian village a spoke to the chief, "where is the Foo Bird?" and the chief answered, " Up the left fork of this river about 30 miles, but I must warn you. If the Foo bird sees you he will call to his fellows and together they will drop great droppings upon you, and if you wash these droppings off, you will die.

So the explorers when up the river as the chief had instructed them and finally in the trees they spied a Foo bird. The Foo bird then cried Foo foo Foo Foo Foo and all of the Foo birds came and dropped dropping upon them.

Now the explorer were afaid that if they washed off the Foo droppings they would die so they resolved not to bathe. This went on for several days and the discomfort of being covered in Foo overcame them and so they washed the Foo off and...Died.

The Moral of the story is.. when the Foo shits, wear it.

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