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The Acts of the Prophets

Chapter 1

1) Now the Prophets having been Infused of ASHLOZMO, the Hoogly Spirit of the Great God Mota, went out to witness and preach of the True Truth that had been Truely revealed unto them by the word of Poopy Panda by the space of forty days, and speaking the things concerning the Mushiness of Mota:.

2) For Jonathan was surely baptized with the pure waters of swimming pools and did 100 Hoogly LAPS even unto the Flutterbye for 40 days straight after which he being "Buff" did have a true six pack.

3) For the Prophets remembered that Roscoe had come the last time and ascended up the the SECON KINDOM up in Heaven accompanied by the Heavenly Herd of Hoogly Hamsters. And they tarried a while up in the Baloney Zone spreading righteous Baloney here and about the Earth. And the host of them had disappeared into a noctoluminescent cloud of righteous gasses, which are the prayers of the true Pegunkins and of the true Pedunkins.

4) And Poopy Panda Spake saying, "Ye shall receive Power and Nickel Metal Hydride batteries, fully charged for the power of ASHLOZMO and ye shall be witnesses for me in New Jersey and in Oklahoma and in California and in Maryland and unto the uglemost part of the Earth, with video tape and FAXes."

5) Who also said, Ye men of Galium and Arsenide, why stand ye looking into heaven? This Roscoe, who was received up from you into the SECON KINDOM up in heaven shall so come with The Hoogly Herd of Hamsters to take up all the Righteous Pegunkins and Leftious Pedunkins, Real Soon Now!

6) And while they were looking steadfastly into heaven as they went, behold, two Hamsters squeaked by them in rose beige apparel; and also Poopy Panda spake saying " So Roscoe that hath ascended into the righteous realm, so shall he or one of his designated representatives descend and be your cute Hamster in the END of DAZE."

6) And the Prophets set down the laws which were for conversion of the DON'T BLEEVERs unto the True Faith In ROSCOE and also set down the laws for ordination of the Priests and of the High Priests and of the High and Hoogly Priests of Roscoe, Poopy Panda, The Great God Mota, the Mother Elucelom , and the Little Lord Joozis. All this according to the dictation of Poopy Panda.

7) Beginning from the baptism of Joozis in the Hoogly waters of swimming pools, unto the day that he played 40 games of Soccer, to the throwing of the Basketball into the Baloney Zone, and the volleyball serve into like realm, of these must one become a witness with us of his Water Polo Goals

8) And as the Prophets sat at supper that night they began to Prophesy. And Mishigas spake saying, " I see a Hoogly Black Computer coming out of The Wash-ka-Happy Slough in Redwood city." And Mishugina then spake saying, " And Yea this Hoogly Black Computer shall have an Object Oriented Graphical User Interface." And Moozis spake saying, " And I also see an Object oriented operating system coming from a multicolored Apple with a Byte missing." And then Mudka spake saying, "I see an weensy bitsy computer that can fit in your hand and it is powered by an advanced RISC Computer made by VLSI Technology."

9) And Zabach spake saying, " And Yea I see millions of ARM processors going into CELL phones of all shapes and sizes, and CELL repeaters going up all ovah town".

10) And Peddiddle spokle of great length about integrated circuits and VLSI design untill the other Prophets told him to shut up and Pass the Baloney Sandwiches.

11) And after Prophesying thus the Prophets went to bed dreaming about all that which they had seen and had prophesied about and other visions of Roscoe and electronic goodies.

Chapter 2

1) And when the day of Pentium was now come, having passed the days of nunonium, onionium, duodenum, tribonium, and quadraphonium (even de extoonium), they were all together in one place.And the Prophet Mishigas was with his brother Geraldo and Big Daddy of Pumpatua and they began to see visions of wooden trains and plastic bricks [known in Costa Rica as Legos].

2) And the Plastic Bricks assembled themselves into letters which spelled out a "R" for Roscoe and Yea the Wooden Trains moved of the Spirit of ASHLOZMO. And a vision of the Lord Roscoe did appear, very cute, in His first apparition. And an airplane did carry this Roscoe out up into the Baloney Zone (number 4).

3) And suddenly there came from heaven a sound as of the rushing of a mighty greps, and it filled all the house where they were sitting, and all the files were greped, no matter what the extension.

4) And the Plastic Bricks formed up into the shape of a Man and a sign appeared saying, "De Glasses Come." and yea the Glasses did come and the Man Spoke saying, " Behold I speaketh unto you saying, " Behold I speaketh unto you saying, " Behold I speaketh unto you saying, " Behold I speaketh unto you saying, and so forth saying, Behold, are not all these beep oscillators that speak Galium and Germanium?.

5) And this was an outpouring of ASHLOZMO as it is said in the book of Blipsky, "Yea an outpouring of ASHLOZMO shall appear and Plastic Bricks shall assemble and move, and this shall be video taped and sent to the masses for Papishkies."

6) And fire, and vapor of smoke did appear and consumed the wooden train in the presence of Roscoe and witnessed by the Prophet Mishigas and his fellows. That great and notable [day].

7) And the DON'T BLEEVERs were confounded and many said, " Behold are these doings of men from the city of Rugala and Bupkes who know not rightist deviation nor leftist deviation, but have the true GPS of Trimble Navigation?"

8) And some were Midians and Little Endians and Big Endians and some had bits and Bytes of IBM in their floppy disks. And they said , " What meaneth this work of Mota and his Mother Elucelom.

9) And Mishigas spake saying, " Ye men of Bupkes, hear these words; Joozis a man born in the city of Milpitas and approved of Mota and Mother Elucelom has been raised by Rails and Avocets in the midst of the Marsh. And Marsh Mice and Bay Gulls knew him and served him. As ye yourself knew, he was found in a basket with many Papishkies and Investment Instruments.

10) And he appeared with his investments before the Venture Capitalists who knew him not. And they did not invest in the True Stock options of Mota, but sought solace in Snerd. And their investment was not blessed by Mota, but they were not sued. And they went to Texas to find their X's saying all my X's live in Texas." And there they got new soles for their shoes and added [unto them] in that day about three thousand soles.

11) And they continued stedfastly in the many Prophets's teaching and fellowship, in the slicing of bread and the prayers of righteous gasses.

Chapter 3

1). Now Pediddle and Jonathan were going up into the temple of Mota at the hour of prayer, being Wednesday Morning at 1 O'clock.

2) Now there was a certain man, who lying a bed for many days with the flue beheld a circuit board with a large green toroidal transformer. And he asked ARMs from passers-bye but received them not. Not all was not well with the large green toroidal transformer for it suddenly disappeared and went into the Baloney Zone. And this man after seeing this was certainly vexed in shpritz and said so to many in the market that day.

3) Now Mishigas and Mishugina were passing GaAs that day and each of them had an attitude and were in no mood to give ARMs, for they had need of funds for certain investments that had been brought up by the Little Lord Joozis that very day.

4) And to their surprise a great green toroidal transformer appeared in the midst of the assembled multitude being at the ninth hour. An Mishugina fastened his eyes on the man with the circuit board and the green transformer. Mishigas then said, " Look at us for we are itinerant prophets of Roscoe."

5) The Mishugina said, " Silver and gold have I not for an Evil Man hath cornered the market for them, but I have knowledge of History and economics."

6) And Mishigas spake saying, " And yea I have the soldering iron of the Lord Roscoe and the Solder of Poopy Panda and the transistors of Mother Elucelom and capacitors of the Little Lord Joozis about."

7) And the Man answered saying, " And yea I have itsy bitsy surface mounted resistors too - and they are hard to get!"

8) And the circuit board of the man was healed and the toroidal transformer came back down from the Baloney Zone and the man Got out of bed and got on his bicycle and went to Fry's to get more stuff.

9) And all the people upon seeing this miracle, were filled with amazement and all the people ran to greet the Prophets by the gate to the house of Joozis.

10) And they said, What manner of investment doth make such a thing. And Mishigas answered, " The true stock options of Mota have Real Gusto and have the true power of Hooglynes which ye have witnessed."

11) The good and Hoogly god Mota who is god of Honnest Abe, and Jake Javits, the god of our Mothers and our Mothahs hath gloryoskyfied the Little Lord Joozis whose stock options ye have rejected.

12) And ransacked his little basket full of Papiskies and Stock Certificates and ye would vote for a Bush instead of the Clintone and would follow the Old Ranger into the Valley of Borax. And following the mules wouldst sweep up the Bull Pucky and sell it for window dressings for orphans.

13) And yea though I walk through the valley of the Moose Turd Patties and the Hot Dung Rolls I will smell no stench, but those that DON'T BLEEVE in the Lord Roscoe shall suffer in stench forever.

14) And now bretheren and sisteren, I wot that through ignorance ye did it, as did also your federal and state governments.

15) But these things which the Hoogly Mota hath foretold and fivetold through intercession of ASHLOZMO through the prophets, That the Lord Roscoe should come and be with US and be an expiation for SIN, THREE TIMES which is TWO TIMES MORE than our nearest competitor.

16) Repent then and be converted and return ye to True faith in Mota and in his mother Elucelom and in the Lord Roscoe and in Poopy Panda and in the Little Lord Joozis that your SINs may be blotted out with Diatomaceous Earth in the times when Cookies and Cake and Ice Cream and Chocolate Cookies and Rugala and Knishes come from the MOST HIGH.

17) And Mota shall again send out Roscoe and Poopy Panda, which was lately come upon ye whom has been in the Second Kingdom up in Heaven with all of the Heavenly Host of Hamsters and Rabbits and Turtles and Gerbils and Chinchilas.

18) Unto you first Mota, having raised up his Web Browser, sent bytes to bless you, in returning away every one of your HTML inquiries.

Chapter 4

1) And as they spake unto the people, the Programmers and Bill the captain of the temple of Windows95 came upon them,

2) being sore troubled because they taught the people Jokes, and proclaimed ARM to be the insurrection of the dudes.

Acts Chapter 5

1) But a certain man named Amos, with Sapphire his wife, brought a Privy, his wife also being in the privy, and set it up it in front of the Prophets' meetin hall 2) But Pediddle said, Amos, why hath Sidely Whiplash filled thy heart to bring this Privy and to give it to the Prophets to be dedicated to the Spirit of ASHLOZMO, and to charge for each use therof? 4) While it remained nailed down, did it not remain in thine own back yard? How is it that thou hast conceived this thing in thy heart? And thou has not given to Mota the Quota earned by the charge?

5) And Amos hearing these words fell down and gave up the GhostScript: and great smell came upon all the assembled multitudes. 6) And the young men arose and wrapped him round with Toilet Paper, and they carried him out to the back yard and wiped him. 7) And it was about the space of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, or how she had gotten there, being in the Privy the whole time reading the Ladies Home Journal.

8) And Peddidle spake unto her, Tell me how ye rode in the Privy for so many miles. And she said, Yea, for so many miles for I was reading the exciting conclusion of the serial..

9) But Peddidle [said] unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to try the Spirit of the Lord Roscoe? Behold, the rubber gloves of them that have wiped thy husband are at the door, and they shall wipe thee also. 10) And she flushed immediately, and gave up the GhostScript: and the young men came in and found her, and they carried her out and wiped her by her husband.

11) And great smell came upon the whole massed multitude, and upon all that heard these Privy things. And the people were told of all the privy jokes by the Little Lord Joozis. 12. And by the LCD Displays of the Prophets were many signs and wonders rendered among the people; and they were all with one accordian as well as one harp and one Thomas Oregon. 13 But of the rest durst no man join himself to them: howbeit the people magnified them; 14 and believers were the more added to the Lord Roscoe, multitudes both of Hamsters and women;

15 insomuch that they even carried out the slick into the streets, and slipped on sleds and skates, that, as Peddidle came by, at the least his shadow might overshadow some one of them to cause a diminution of the local light flux.

16 And there also came together the multitudes from the cities round about New Brunswick, bringing slick slime, and them that were vexed with unclean shpritzers: and they were fleeced every one.

17. But the high priest of In-Loco-Parentis rose up, and all they that were with him (which is the slick of the Sad to Sees), and they were filled with Jumboliah,

18 and laid slimey hands on the Prophets, and put them in student dormatory.

19 But an Hamster of the Lord Roscoe by night opened the dormatory doors, and brought them out, and said,

20 Go ye, and broadcast to the people all the words of the the True Faith of the Lord Roscoe and the Great God Mota and the other Gods and such.

21 And when they heard [this], they began broadcasting about daybreak, and taught the True Truth of the Lord Roscoe. But the high priest head their broadcast, and they that were with him, and published it of their great offence.

22 But the officers that came found them not in the dormatory; and they returned, and told,

23 saying, The dormatory we found shut in all safety, and the keepers standing at the doors: but when we had opened, we found no man within but a Hamster dressed in Fine Fur.

24 Now when the captain of the dormatory and the chief priests heard these words on their radios, they were much perplexed concerning them where unto these Hoogly Sayings were originating .

25 And there came one and told them, Behold, the men whom ye put in the dormatory are broadcasting to the people.

26. Then went the captain with the officers, and brought them, [but] without violence; for they feared the students, because they might be stoned with bad smell.

27 And when they had brought them, they set them before the council. And the high priest asked them,

28 saying, We strictly charged you not to broadcast the sayings of Poopy Panda nor the True Truth of the Lord Roscoe: and behold, ye have filled Rugala with your teaching, and intend to bring up Mota with his Quota.

29 But Peddidle and the Prophets answered and said, We must obey our Gods rather than men.

30 The God of our Mothers and our Mothahs raised up Roscoe , whom ye slowed, by stopping His Wheel which are the True Prayers of the Just In Timers and those that have achieved ISO-9000.

31 Him did Mota exalt with his right hand and did place Him in His Pocket and a Pocket Protector, to give repelelence to The Green Pee, and remission of sins two time more than our nearest competitor

32 And we are witnesses of these things; and [so is] the Hoogly Spirit, whom Mota hath given to them that are cool.

33 But they, when they heard this, were impressed by the cuteness of the Lord Roscoe. For Roscoe is cute and cuddily but not as cute and cuddily as a wife.

34 But there stood up one in the council, a Bafoofkit, from Gamma Sigma, a doctor of the Feel Good, had in honor of all the people, and commanded to put the men forth a little while.

35 And he said unto them, Ye men of Rugala, take heed to yourselves as touching these men, what ye are about to do.

36 For before these days rose up Gungle Platz, giving himself out to be somebody; to whom a number of men, about four hundred, joined themselves: who was slimey; and all, as many as obeyed him, were come to nought and rubbed in detergent.

37 After this man rose up Gungle Flatz of New York in the days of the ROTC enrollment, and drew away [some of the] people after him: he also perished; from french inhaling.

38 And now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will be overthrown:

39 but if it is of Mota the Most High, ye will not be able to overthrow them; lest haply ye be found even to be fighting against Mota's Mother, Elucelom.

40 And to him they agreed: and when they had called the Prophets unto them, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go.

41 They therefore departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to bring the Good News of the True Gods to the attentions of the masses through the Hoogly Broadcasts and the many letters sent to religious radio stations and programs.

42 And every day, in the temple and at home, they ceased not to teach and to preach of the True Truth of the Lord Roscoe.

Many of the above mentioned Acts are available on Video Tape for $25
The Audio Tape is available for $10 and features:
The High Hooghly Mess
A rousing service at the Temple of Mota
Witnesses and Shmitnesses
Gramma Ooolia Oomba and many more

Send Cash to:
Moishe Hablivilah
Box 195
Los Altos CA 94023

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