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Chopter 1 - The Bafoofkit Frat House Gamma Sigma

1) Now a Vision of the Lord Roscoe came to Mishigas and he gave the true history of The Bafoofkit Frat House Gamma Sigma. And this was not the Bunk that was commonly known by the DONT BLEEVERs which was not true, but which was Capitalistic, War Mongering, Communistic Lies. And This was as Poopy Panda Spake;

2) And it came to pass That the word of the Lord Roscoe did come upon 9 men, of which 12 were veterans.

3) And Mota Spake saying," Go Ye to The Rutabaga University, A small college in a State of New Jersey, in the City of Bupkes, and found a The Bafoofkit Frat House Gamma Stigmata or Stigmata Gamma as the case might be.

4) And in those times there was a good and Hoogly Woman, full of the Gloryosky of Poopy Panda, named Mamma Johnson, who had extra furniture in her house. Of course the greedy veterans, having no furniture of their own, decided to take in Momma Johnson's furniture, and inadvertently they took in Momma Johnson.

5) So it came to pass, in the course of time, that the little Rutabaga college became a great Rutabaga Factory, in which students were stamped out of Ticky Tacky at the rate of 1000 per year.

6) But all was not completely organized in the Rutabaga Factory, for there was a small group of men, being non-conformists and not hazing pledges and not commiting racial prejudice and having the Hoogly furniture of Mamma Johnson.

7) And they were also known as Gamma, the house of wild and Hoogly men, and many nerds were amoung them and they won the college bowl on campus.

Chopter 2

1) And the Word of Poopy Panda came to Mishigas of the City of Plains, and Mishugina of the Sea Shore, and the Angel Levine, of the Long Branch Salloon. And HE spake saying Go Ye to the RUSH of fresh and callow men and investigate which of ye Bafoofkit Frat Societies ye shouldst join in the service of Poopy Panda.

2) And so the great Prophets did go up and down Onion Street to smell and be smelled of the Bafoofkit Frat Societies. And there were many Frat Societies in that place and they needed new members, for Fratites were forbidden to marry within the Bafoofkit houses and to keep women and children. For they were were under the law of In Loco Par Entis, an Evil and not fun loving guy, who was in the employ of Dean Lambert, Boocock and assorted Cronies.

3) And the Societies of the Bafoofkit were under the control of Witches and Cooks. And to catch new members, the men of the Bafoofkit Frat Societies plied the prophets with strong drink and promises of nubile maidens in their maidenform bras and sang songs and made merry and served drink with the minor poison C2H5OH therein.

4) And the Prophet Mishigas was inducted into the Bafoofkit Frat Society called Grungy Upsilon. And these Fratites were false and did deal falsely with Mishigas.

5) for as soon as Mishigas was in the Bafoofkit Frat Society house, then they began to persecute him and call him names and to make him do pushups. So Mishigas prayed to Poopy Panda and to the Lord Roscoe for a sign. And Mishigas spied a door and he walked out of the Bafoofkit Frat house of Grungy Upsilon .

6) Meanwhile the prophet Mishugina and the Angel Levine has found a better Frat called Gamma Stigmata founded by 8 men, twelve of them veterans of the great war against the Commies and the KKK. And Mishugina spake unto Mishigas saying, "Come on Down for these Fratites are Smart and Not Nasty." And so Mishigas got up and went to the House of the Gamma Stigmata and to join into the society.

Chopter 3

1) And at this time came the High Priest of the Lord Roscoe, Mishigas, to the Rutabaga Factory seeking a true and Hoogly Frat House called Gamma Stigmata. All was not well the the House of Gamma Stigmata for some of the Bafoofkit Fratites in that house were jealous of Roscoe and of Mishigas, and Mishugina, and the Angel Levine.

2) And these were backsliders and sought to destroy the house of Gamma Stigmata for they were under the influence of Snerd and Snidely Whiplash. And these were Kannel the Liar and Ellis the destroyer

3) And Mishigas did pray to the Lord Roscoe to rid Gamma Stigmata of this scourge. And a great battle was fought and the evil ones were forced out by the power of the Emdee Ten and of the Schwartzenheimer.

4) And the Lord Roscoe did come down and and did stike down the evil people with a 2/3 vote of the majority.

5) And then a new Pharoh named Freddy the Terrible, came to rule the Rutabaga Factory and the Bafoofkits were his special territory and he exclaimed upon the people saying, " Go ye not home for the weekend, for if ye do this thing Ye are not loyal to the Rutabaga Factory" And he said, " Stay in the Rutabaga Factory for I am your father and your mother and I wan't to have control of you."

6) And this Pharoh was an Evil Man and did cry out saying, " All those over a certain age must leave the Rutabaga Factory, for they are too old to all manner of physical labor"

7) Then the henchmen of Pharoh threw out Mooma Johnson and tore her from the the Hoogly Frat House called Gamma Stigmata of the non-conformists, and she went to live on the farm.

8) Then the Henchmen of Pharoh came to inspect the Hoogly Frat House called Gamma Stigmata and found The Lord Roscoe there. And they said, " Be gone with this Hamster for no pets are allowed and we are finks"

9) But the Lord Roscoe called down upon Pharoh some plagues and Freddy the Terrible was repulsed.

10) And then there were Happy times in the Hoogly Frat House called Gamma Stigmata for all the evil people had been eliminated and the Baffofkits studied hard and were first on campus. And then Mishigas and Mishugina studied hard and got 1's and 2's which when summed and averaged came to 1.3

Chopter 4

1) And it came to pass in that year that the time of the Festival of the Fall with the Football game and the Queen of the Floats came near.

2) Now Don Atello of Galluzzi got up in the Meeting and spake saying, " I wisheth that this year the Hoogly and rightious and Bafoofkit Frat House called Gamma Stigmata builds an extravagance of wood and paper and money and parades this thing in front of all the people of the Rutabaga Factory for 15 minutes so all the people can see! For all the other Frat houses have Big Floats and the Gamma Stigmata have None, at least lately. So this Year we must have a Float for the greater gloryosky of Gamma Stigmata".

3) And so all the Bafoofkit Fratites of Gamma Stigmata gathered together and buit a small but cute Float that was 10 Cubits long and 6 Cubits wide and 4 Cubits High. And on the Float were a pair of jaws with many teeth to gnash the evil Snerd and Snidely Whiplash. And Don Atelo of Galluzzi went to his room to study.

4) And the hardworking brothers worked in the Rutabaga Factory for many days and had to guard the little float 24 hours a day because the evil men of the other Frat houses would steal the crepe paper.

5) And the great day of the Festival of the Fall with the Football game and the Queen of the Floats came, and the small but cute extravagance of wood and paper and money paraded in front of the people of the Rutabaga Factory for 15 minutes so all could see. And Mota did smile upon Gamma Stigmata for their Float got Honnorable Mention.

Chopter 5

1) And then a big celebration came to Onion Street and all the Houses of Frat were celebrating the festival of Horray, Horray, the First of May. And the Bafoofkit Frat of the Beta served Beer and called all people "Sweet Bags". And the Bafoofkit Frat of Delta Phi served Wasps and Yellow Jackets only but the Little Frat House of Gamma Stigmata had a Rat race. And Roscoe was racing all the little mice and did beat them for He was the True Incarnation.

2) Also at this time came the big businessmen who called themselves the Bafoofkit Frat Secretaries. And they had big mouths and wanted to swallow up the poor old House of Gamma Stigmata, the only local Frat up and down Onion Street.

3) But the gallant brothers of Gamma Stigmata would not be eaten up by these small types of businessmen, who wanted the Hooglyness of Roscoe eliminated and hazing instituted and also racial predjudice.

4) Now along came Sydney the Large who had such a Big Mouth that he swallowed up the House of Gamma Stigmata and all of its furniture. But Sydney the Large could not swallow the Rutabaga Factory for it was too large.

5) And then came the Pledges that inherited the Bafoofkit Frat, that Sydney ate, that Freddy badgered, that Ellis destroyed, that Friedman was presedent of, that 9 men - 12 of them veterans founded, that my father bought for two zuzim, that the Lord Roscoe created the world for.

6) And after three years of residence, the Prophets had to leave the Bafoofkit Frat House of Gamma Stigmata for they were waxing old and it was time to commence preaching throughout the land of the True Truth of Roscoe and Poopy Panda.

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