To Home Page
To Welcome to Jeez fer Joozis
To the Guide to the Ishkibibble
To Previous Sacred Text of the Ishkibibble
2. Who bare video tapes of Roscoe the Hamster, and of the testimony of Poopy Panda on Computer Disks, and .gif and .jpg files even of all things that he saw.
3. Blessed is he that vieweth, and they that see the video tapes and the E-mail, and keep the things that are written therein unto: for the time is at hand or at foot.
4 Peddidle to the seven Temples that are in New Jersey to California. Where has Oregon? Alaska! Gracie Slick to you and peace, from The Little Lord Joozis, who loves to tell stories of righteous Baloney, and The Lord Roscoe and Poopy Panda and the Spirit of ASHLOZMO; and from the Great God Mota, who made the universe in his BIG BANG Machine and from His Mother Elucelom and from His Grandmother Nortcele.
5. Now from Roscoe the Hamster, who has the faithful video tapes, the firstborn, secondborn, and thirdborn out from the right hand of the The Great God MOTA, and enshrined by the micro-computers of the earth. Unto The Little Lord Joozis that loveth us, and loosed us from our nastiness by his highly effective environmentally sound jokes, which available by sending away to the Temple of Mota in Milpitas, California;
6. And The Little Lord Joozis hired us to be priests unto Poopy Panda and The Lord Roscoe; to be in the gloryosky and the Big Bang for ever and ever of Mota. Amenhotep.
7. Behold, he cometh with the Blimps of righteous gasses; and the eyes of those who buy the Hoogly Video Tape shall see Roscoe, and they that bought the Hoogly tape recording, laughed at the jokes of The Little Lord Joozis; and all the tribes of the earth shall laugh over the jokes and stories of The Little Lord Joozis. Even so Right On, Gumba's.
8. I am the 1+1/2+1/6+... and pi times the square root of minus one, saith the Great God Mota, who is and who was and who is to come, the Coolest Dude with the BIG BANG MACHINE.
9. I Peddidle, your brother and partaker with you in tri-lateralization and having the differential GPS of Trimble Navigation and the Video Tapes which are of The Lord Roscoe, was in the Peninsula that is called San Francisco, for hearing the word of Poopy Panda and the testimony of many witnesses for The Lord Roscoe.
10 I was Splashing in the Swimming Pool on the Lord Roscoe's day, and I heard behind me a great voice, as of a Rock Guitar. How was I to know there was a Party goin On?
11 Saying, "What thou seest, write in a computer file and send it to the seven Temples: unto Santa Clara, and unto San Francisco, and unto Washington D.C, and unto West Orange, and unto Las Vegas, and unto Newark, and unto Oklahoma City."
12 And I turned to see who made the voice that spake with me. And having turned I saw seven golden Hamster Cages with seven cute and furry Golden Hamsters in them, each on his or her Hamster wheel, running and generating Hoogly Electricity for the Lord Roscoe, and the music was Roll Over Beethoven!
13 And in the midst of the Hamster Cages, stood a big fat Hamster, clothed in Golden Fur down to the foot, and girt about at the breasts with white Fur.
14 And his head and his hair were brownish Gold as Hamster Fur, and his belly was as snow; and his eyes were black and beady;
15 And his Whiskers were very tickly, as if they had recently tickled the Hand of Mota The Great God; and his voice as the squeak of many Hamster Wheels in the middle of the Night.
16 And he had in his right hand seven Embeddable Micro-Processors: and in his mouth was visible sharp two-by-two teeth: and his countenance was very cute.
17 And then I saw The Little Lord Joozis dribbling his Basket Ball; the very same that he had sent into the Baloney Zone, I fell at his feet as one who worships the Cool Dudes of Sport and kissed his basket ball filled with righteous Balonium. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying, Fear not; I am the first cool dude and the last cool dude and I have the Righteous Baloney of the Lord Roscoe.
18 And in the Volley Ball Court I was a Cool Dude, and behold, I am cool for evermore, and I have the keys of Milpitas High School and the Educational Testing Service.
19 Write therefore the things which thou sawest, and the things which are, and the things which shall come to pass hereafter;
20 The mystery of the seven Embeddable Micro-Processors which thou sawest in my right hand, and the seven golden Hamster Cages. The seven Embeddable Micro-Processors use the seven ARM micro-kernels and are USER FRIENDLY because they have GUI debuggers; and the seven Hamster Cages are seven Temples containing many precious Hamsters in the likeness of the Lord Roscoe.
The Revelation for Peddidle Chapter 2
1. To the Honcho of the Temple in Santa Clara write: These things saith he that holdeth the seven Embeddable Micro-Processors in his right hand, he that walketh in the midst of the seven golden Hamster Cages:
2 I know thy micro-code, and thy toil and patience in writing firmware, and that thou canst not bear stupid men who know not the Advanced RISC Machine, and did annoy them that call themselves programmers, and they are not cool, and did find them amoung the hot chips of Intel and AMD;
3 And thou hast patience and did write code for my name's sake, and hast not grown weary, but hath debugged until all the bugs are squashed.
4 But I have this against thee, that thou did leave thy first love, the pure 26 bit address space and did wander beyond into 32 bit address space. For this ye must do penance and write more code than before.
5 Remember therefore whence thou art fallen, and repent and do the first works; or else I come to thee, and will move thy Hamster Cage out of its place, except thou repent.
6 But this thou hast, that thou hatest the evil works of the Pentiums and the Duodenums and the Complex and Crummy 80X86, which I also hate.
7 He that hath an ear, let The Little Lord Joozis recount what Poopy Panda saith to the Temples. To the Little Lord Joozis, will I give to eat of the trees of Apricots, Peaches, Apples, and Pears, which are in the Paradise of Poopy Panda and the Valley of the Silicon.
8. And to the Boss of the Temple in San Francisco write: These things saith the first and the last, who was a cool Dude, and lives yet:
9 I know thy tri-angulation and tri-lateralization, and thy poverty, but thou art rich, having gotten money through crying on the Radio . And Also the blasphemy of them that know not the Great God Mota and his Mother Elucelom and his Grand Mother Nortcele, nor do they know the Lord Roscoe, or Poopy panda or the spirit of AshLozMo and have not laughed at the Little Lord Joozis, and are the members of the Church of The Yuchy Poop.
10 Fear not the things which Harold Camping Preaches: Behold, the Un-true so called Son of God is Not Coming Again even unto September 1994, because He Never Came the First Time!
11 He that hath ear phones and listeneth to the Revalation of Peddidle, hear what Poopy Panda saith to the Temples. He that overcometh shall not be hurt by the second rewrite of the debugger, but shall debug happily for a time then play video games.
12. And to the Reverend Hablivible of the Temple in Washington D.C. and the University of the Great Hamster write: These things saith he that hath the sharp two-edged teeth and the Tickly Whiskers:
13 I know where thou dwellest, even where The Chevy's and the Ford's Gungle-Platz is; and thou holdest fast my name, and did not deny my faith, even in the days of Reganomics and Bushogonics. My video taper, my faithful one, was taking much Videos, but he hath not edited them. So he waits where The President dwelleth or by the Obelisk made from piled on stones that are not earthquake proof.
14 But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there some that hold the teaching of the Pseudo Intelligent, who taught Balushky to cast Lousy TV shows before the children of Mota, to eat things on the couch, and to commit fricatives and hold Sibilants.
15 So hast thou also some that hold the teaching of the Concerned Women of America and know not the Lord Roscoe or the Great God Mota.
16 Repent therefore; or else I come to thee quickly, and I will make water against them and the Hoogly Green Pee will come tumbling down from on High.
17 He that hath an ear, let also Peddidle hear what Poopy Panda saith to the Temples. To The Little Lord Joozis that overcometh with mirth, will I give of the hidden manna, and I will give The Little Lord Joozis a white paper, and upon the paper a new Login name and Password written, which no one knoweth but he that receiveth it. So take heed to shred it.
18. And to the Gahoona of the Temple in West Orange write: These things saith the Son of Poopy Panda, who hath his eyes like dark sapphire, and his feet are like unto Pink Panther Slippers:
19 I know thy works, and thy house closings and habeas corpuscles, and that thy last works are more than the first.
20 But I have this against thee, that thou maketh the woman Rita-Bell, who calleth herself a prophetess; and she goes out and she teacheth the children about the Eensy Beensy Spider and Wheel of he Bus goes Round and Round..
21 And I gave her time that she should teach also Chanuka and Roscoe Mess songs.
22 Behold, I cast her into a bed, and she delivereth two cute boys named Lenny and Denny.
23 And I will Entertain her children with the Hoogly Movie of the Lord Roscoe; and all the Temples shall know that I am he that searcheth the underarms and belly buttons and giveth rides: and I will give unto each one of you according to your piano rolls.
24 But to you I say, to the rest that are in West Orange, as many as have not this Rosconian teaching, and those that wear the little Beenies and walk to the Ahavas Knesset.
25 Nevertheless that which ye have, hold fast till I come, for I bring PRESENTS.
26 And he that overcometh, and he that keepeth my works unto the end, to The Little Lord Joozis will I give authority over the nations, to send to them Hoogly TV shows.
27 And he shall rule them with rods of Anodized Aluminum, as the TV sets of the Plotzer are broken to Bupkes; as I also have received Faxes of my Father, Mother, Brother and Sister.
28 And I will give to The Little Lord Joozis the morning Work Out in the Hoogly waters of Swimming Pools..
29 He that hath an ear phone, let the Prophet Peddidle hear what Poopy Panda saith to the Temples.
1. And to the Chief Watanabe of the Temple in Las Vegas write: These things saith he that hath the seven Shpritzers of Poopy Panda, and the seven Embeddable Micro-Processors: I know thy works, that thou thinkest that thou art Cool Dudes.
2 Be thou watchful, and establish the things that remain, which were ready to throw the die or pick the Keno: for I have found no works of thine perfected before Poopy Panda, even unto thine big Hotels and Comdexes
3 Remember therefore how thou hast received and did hear; and keep it, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come as a card counter, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee, for the tables are open 24 hours a day.
4 But thou hast a few names in Las Vegas that did not defile their garments: and they shall walk with me in rose beige ; for they are worthy Pegunkins.
5 He that overcometh shall thus be arrayed in rose beige garments; and I will in no wise blot his name out of the computer file of life, and I will confess his name before The Great God Mota, and before his Faxes and Internal Revenue Agents who help Mota fill the Quota.
6 He that hath an ear, let Peddidle hear what Poopy Panda saith to the Temples.
7. And to the Groucho of the Temple in Newark write: These things saith he that is hoogly, he that is true, he that hath the key of Davidson Shoes, he that openeth the door and none shall shut, and that shutteth and none openeth:
8 I know thy works (behold, I have set before thee a door opened, which none can shut), that thou hast a little shoes, and Keds, to keep my word, and did not deny my name and found my dog in thine shoes.
9 Behold, I hear of the Church of Three False Gods, of them that say they are Followers of Harold Camping and Billy Graham Crackers; behold, I will make them to come and worship before thy Tickly feet, and to know that I have loved thee.
10 Because thou did keep the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of TV, that hour which is to come upon the whole world, to Entertain Them them that dwell upon the earth and watcheth.
11 I come quickly: hold fast that which thou hast, that no one take thy TV Guide, but be watchfull and tape all Newton's Apples for they have wisdom.
12 He that overcometh, I will make The Little Lord Joozis a PILL in the temple of Poopy Panda, and he shall go out and crack many Jokes: and I will write them for The Little Lord Joozis and unto the name of the Lord Roscoe, and the name of the city of Poopy Panda, the new Milpitas, which cometh down out of Newark from The Great God Mota, and mine own new TV Show.
13 He that hath an ear, let The Peddidle hear what Poopy Panda saith to the Temples.
14. And to the Manufacturers Representative of the Temple in Oklahoma City write: These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true video taper, the beginning of the creations of the Roscoes and the sayings of Poopy Panda:
15 I know thy works, that thou art prissy: I would thou were available for consolation with the Little Lord Joozis to crack Jokes with same..
16 So because thou art silly, and neither X-rated nor PG rated, I will show thee TV shows in Family Oriented Theaters.
17 Because thou sayest, I sell home beauty products, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou are remembered as cuddly and naked:
18 I counsel thee to buy of me gold refined by fire, that thou mayest become rich; and rose beige garments, that thou mayest clothe thyself, and that the shame of thy nakedness be not made manifest; and eyesalve to anoint thine eyes, that thou mayest see.
19 As many as I love, I tickle and cuddle: be zealous therefore, and clean your rooms and pick up the trash and take out the garbage.
20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice and open the door, I The Little Lord Joozis will come in, and will tell Jokes to him, and he to me.
21 He that overcometh, I will give to The Little Lord Joozis to sit down with me in my Cubicle, as I also overcame, and sat down with The Great God Mota in his Cubicle.
22 He that hath an ear, let The Peddidle hear what Poopy Panda saith to the Temples.
1. After these things I saw, and behold, a door opened in Newark, and the first voice that I heard, a voice as of a Rock Guitar speaking with me, one saying, Come up hither, and I will show thee the things which must passover or passunder.
2 Straightway I was Shicker: and behold, there was a Gungle-Platz set in Newark, and the Lord Roscoe sat upon the Gungle-Platz;
3 And there was a rainbow round about the Gungle-Platz, like a Color Ink Jet Printout to look upon. And he that fished under the rainbow was like an Out of Town Jasper and a sardine can or Tuna caserolle.
4 And round about the Gungle-Platz were four and twenty Gungle-Platzes: and upon the Gungle-Platzes I saw four and twenty Old Pegunkins sitting, arrayed in rose beige garments; and on their heads crowns of Silicon FM receivers.
5 And out of the Gungle-Platz proceed lighting effects and voices and Rock Music. And there was seven lamps of Quartz-Iodine burning before the Gungle-Platz, which are the seven Shpritzers of Poopy Panda;
6 And before the Gungle-Platz, was a container of righteous gases like a crystal Bell Jar; and in the midst of the Gungle-Platz, and round about the Gungle-Platz, five living creatures.
7 And the first creature was a Armadillo, and the second creature a Opposum, and the third creature was a Raccoon, and the fourth creature was a flying Bat and the fifth creature was a Western Internet Gopher.
8. And the five living creatures spake, saying, Hoogly, hoogly, hoogly, is the Great God Mota, the COOL DUDE, who made the Universe with His Big Bang Machine.
9 And when the living creatures shall give gloryosky and honor and thanks to The Lord Roscoe that also sitteth on the Gungle-Platz, and to The Little Lord Joozis that Joketh for ever and ever,
10 The four and twenty Old Puginkins shall fall off of their Gungle-Platzes, and down before The Lord Roscoe that sitteth on the Gungle-Platz, and shall worship The Little Lord Joozis that Joketh for ever and ever, and shall cast their FM receivers before the Gungle-Platz, saying,
11 Worthy art youse guys, our Lord Roscoe and our Poopy Panda, to receive the gloryosky and the honorifics and the power charges: for thou did create all dongles, and because of thy Poosies they were created.
1. And I saw in the right hand of The Little Lord Joozis that sat on the Gungle-Platz a computer file written within and on the back, sealed with seven Passwords and NSA codes.
2 And I saw a strong Gizornen-Platz proclaiming with a great voice, Who is worthy to open the computer file, and to reveal the Passwords there of even unto ROOT?
3 And no one in the Newark, or on the earth, or under the earth, was able to open the computer file, or to look thereon for CD ROMS hath not been invented yet
4 And I wept much, being careful not to Wet my Disks, because no one was found worthy to decode the computer file, or to look thereon:
5 And one of the Old Pegunkins saith unto me, Weep not; behold, the Armadillo that is of the tribe of Judy, the ROOT of David Packard, hath overcome to open the computer file and the seven Passwords thereof.
6. And I saw in the midst of the Gungle-Platz and of the five living creatures and the Monkey, and in the midst of the Old Pegunkins, a Rabbit sitting munching on Carrots, having two floppy ears, and two eyes, and making many Poopsies which are the messengers of the Hooglynesses of Poopy Panda, sent forth into all the earth.
7 And he came, and he taketh the Carrot out of the right hand of The Little Lord Joozis that sat on the Gungle-Platz.
8 And when he had taken the computer file, the five living creatures and the four and twenty Old Pegunkins fell down before the Rabbit, having each one an Electric Guitar or Synthesizer Keyboard, and golden bowls full of breakfast cerial, which are the turned by alimentary action into flatulence for the prayers of the Pegunkins .
9 And they sang a new song, saying, Worthy art thou to take the computer file, and to open the Passwords thereof: for thou was dirty, and did purchase unto Poopy Panda with thy highly effective Papshkies men of every tribe, and ate smoked beef tongue, and Peanut Butter, and naturally grown produce.
10 And madest them to be Pedunkins unto our Poopy Panda a kingdom of priests of the Lord Roscoe; and Roscoe rained upon earth Green Pee.
11 And I saw, and I heard a voice of Gizornen-heimers, and many Internet E-mails sent to the Gungle-Platz and the living creatures and the Old Pegunkins; and the number of them was at least 100 million and did clog even unto many T1 and E1 dedicated networks.
12 Saying with a great voice, Worthy is the Rabbit Oreo that hath been fed Carrot Peels, to receive the power, and riches, and wisdom, and might and honor, and gloryosky, and Rabbit Chow.
13 And every crummy thing which is in the Newark, and on the earth, and under the earth, and on the sea, and all things are in them, heard I saying, Unto The Little Lord Joozis that sitteth on the Gungle-Platz, and unto the Rabbit, be the bablushkies, and the honor, and the gloryosky, and the dominoes, for ever and ever.
14 And the five living creatures said, Right On. And the Old Pegunkins fell down and worshipped.
1. And I saw when the Rabbit Bit open one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of Computer Synthesized Talk, Come hither and See Oreo the Rabbit Byte the Seals and blab the passwords.
2 And I saw, and behold, a rose beige Merkaveh, and he that sat thereon took a bow; and there was given unto The Little Lord Joozis a Karaoke Box: and he came forth Dancing, and to Tap Dance.
3. And when he opened the second Password, I heard the second living creature saying, Oye Vay.
4 And another horse came forth, a red Plastic Brick House: and to The Hamster that sat thereon he was given Hamster Kibbles and Cheese from the Refrigerator, and that they should say to one another: and there was given unto The Little Lord Roscoe a great TV Show.
5 And when he opened the first Password, I heard the third living creature saying, WATANABE! . And I saw, and behold, a black Vari-Easy; and he that sat therein had to balance on his hands.
6 And I heard as it were a voice in the midst of the five living creatures saying, A measure of wheat for a Papishky, and three measures of barley for a Papishky; and the oil and the wine are bupkes not when taken in moderation.
7 And when he opened the fourth password and the Bark from the Seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, GUNGLE FITZER.
8 And I saw, and behold, a pale Cherokee: and he that sat in it was Short, his name was Danny; and Pudunkins followed with The Little Lord Joozis. And there was given unto them authority over the forth programming language, to kid with simple screens, and with flaming over the Internet, and with Software Bugs, and by the wild cute little furry creatures of the earth - most of them rodents.
9. And when he opened the fifth Password, I saw underneath the altar the soul music of them that had boogied for the gloryosky of Poopy Panda, and for the Jazz which they held sacred unto the A train:
10 And they cried with a great voice, saying, How long, O Master, the hoogly and true, dost thou not make Sugg, our highly effective detergent clean them that dwell on the earth?
11 And there was given them to each one a rose beige robe; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little time, until their fellow-Pedunkins also and their brethren an sistern, who should be entertained even as they were, should have fulfilled their music appreciation course.
12 And I saw when he opened the sixth Password, and there was a great sound that rent the air; and the sun became black as blackbody radiation at 6000 degrees celsius, and the whole moon became as white as highly effective detergent;
13 And the Embeddable Micro-Processors of the Newark fell unto the earth, as a furnace casteth her unripe chips when she is shaken of a great wind.
14 And the Newark was moved as a riot when it is happenin; and every mountain and island were moved and rotated at least a centimeter.
15 And the kinks of the earth, and Prince, and the chief captions, and the rich, and the strong, and every bail bondsman and 33rd degree freemason, hid themselves in the movie theaters and in rock and roll concerts in the catskill mountains;
16 And they said to the catskill mountains and to the rocks musicians, Entertain us, and hide us from the face of The Little Lord Joozis that sitteth on the Gungle-Platz, and from the wrath of Oreo the Rabbit as seen in Monty Python and the Hoogly Grail :
17 For the great day of their Rock Concert is come; and who can stand the noise?
1. After his I saw four Printouts standing at the four corners of New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, and Arizona.
2 And I saw another Internal Revenue Agent ascend from the sunrise, having the seal of the living Poopy Panda: and Poopy Panda cried with a great voice to the four Manufacturers Representatives to whom it was given to splash in the sea and have fun in the Sun.
3 Saying, Hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, till we shall have written the Environmental Impact Statement and sent it to the Pedunkins of Mota .
4 And I heard the number of them that were sealed, a hundred and forty and four thousand, sealed out of every tribe of the children of Mota:
5 Of the tribe of Joanne were sealed twelve thousand: Of the tribe of Reuben Sandwiches twelve thousand; Of the tribe of Chai Mudka twelve thousand;
6 Of the tribe of Arturo twelve thousand; Of the tribe of Danny twelve thousand; Of the tribe of Gershon twelve thousand;
7 Of the tribe of Simon and Shuster twelve thousand; Of the tribe of Levis twelve thousand; Of the tribe of Guess twelve thousand;
8 Of the tribe of Lenny twelve thousand; Of the tribe of Jonathan twelve thousand; Of the tribe of Karen were sealed twelve thousand.
9 After these things I saw, and behold, a great multitude, which no man could number except though use of the Black Computer, out of every nation and of all tribes and peoples and tongues, standing before the Gungle-Platz and before the Rabbit, arrayed in rose beige robes, and palms in their hands;
10 And they cried with a great voice, saying, Salvation unto our Poopy Panda who sitteth on the Gungle-Platz, and unto the Rabbit .
11 And all the Computers were standing round about the Gungle-Platz, and about the Old Pegunkins and the five living creatures; and they fell before the Gungle-Platz on their faces, and worshipped Mota and the other Gods,
12 saying, Oy Vay: Blast Furnaces, and gloryosky and wisdom teeth, and thanksgiving, and honor, and power, and might, be unto our Poopy Panda and Lord Roscoe for ever and ever. Amen.
13. And one of the Old Pegunkins posed a question, saying unto me, These that are arrayed in rose beige robes, who are they, and whence came they?
14 And I said unto The Little Lord Joozis,"Am I not Peddidle the Greatest of your Prophets?" And he said to me, These are they that come of the great tri-angulation and tri-lateralization, and they washed their robes, and made them rose beige in the highly effective detergent of the Rabbit .
15 Therefore they are before the Gungle-Platz of Poopy Panda; and they listen to The Little Lord Joozis tell Jokes day and night in his temple: and he that sitteth on the Gungle-Platz shall spread his Righteous Baloney
16 They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall the sun strike upon them, nor any heat, for they will be indoors and air conditioned comfort in the Convention Center.
17 for the Rabbit that is in the midst of the Gungle-Platz shall be their cute Rabbit Oreo, and shall guide them unto fountains of waters of life: and Poopy Panda shall wipe away every tear from their eyes.
1. And when he opened the seventh Password, there followed a silence in Newark about the space of half an hour while the files were being read.
2 And I saw the seven Internet E-mails that being sent to Poopy Panda; and they were given unto the seven Rock Guitars Players.
3 And another Internet E-mail came and was placed on the altar, having a golden logo; and there was given unto The Little Lord Joozis much silliness, that he should add it unto the Jokes of all the Pegunkins upon the golden altar which was before the Gungle-Platz.
4 And the laughter of the Jokes, with the prayers of the Pegunkins, went up before Poopy Panda.
5 And the Internet E-mail taketh the Jokes; and he being filled with Silliness, and cast upon the TV transmitter: and there followed thunders, and voices, and lighting effects, and an Jelly Roll.
6 And the seven Internet E-mails that had music for the seven Rock Guitars Players, and they prepared themselves to sound cool.
7. And the first Rock Guitar Player sounded, and there followed hail and fir balls, mingled with highly effective detergent, and they were cast upon the earth: and the third part of the earth was cleaned up, and the third part of the trees was cleaned up, and all green grass was cleaned up.
8 And the second Rock Guitar Player sounded, and as it were a great mountain of cleansing detergent was cast into the sea: and the third part of the sea became highly effective detergent;
9 And there cleaned up the third part of the creatures which were in the sea, even they that had life; and the third part of the ships was cleaned up.
10 And the third Rock Guitar Player sounded, and there fell from Newark a great Dollop of Green Pee, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of the waters;
11 And the name of the Dolop of Green Pee is called the Hoogly Green Pee of the Lord Roscoe: and the third part of the waters became Green Pee; and many men cleaned in the waters, because they were made highly effective detergent.
12 And the fourth Rock Guitar Player sounded, and the third part of Sun Computers was smitten with NFS and the third part of SGI, and the third part of the Embeddable Micro-Processors; that the third part of them should be programmed, and the day should not shine for the third part of it, and the night in like manner.
13 And I saw, and I heard an Owl, flying in mid Newark, saying with a great voice, Wooo, Woo, Wooo, for them that dwell on the earth, by reason of the other voices of the Rock Guitar of the three Rock Guitar Players, who are yet to sound.
1. And the fifth Rock Guitar Player sounded, and I saw a Schmatteh from Newark fall unto the earth: and there was given to The Little Lord Joozis the key of the pit of the recycled mess.
2 And he opened the pit of the recycled mess.; and there went up a BAD BUGS out of the pit, as the smoke of a great obsolete main frame computer; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smell of the pit.
3 And out of the smell came forth sulfites upon the earth; And the people protested the BAD SMELL.
4 And it was said unto them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree, but only such men as have not the true faith of the words of Poopy Panda in their computers.
5 And it was given them that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months with BAD BUGS in their programs: and their torment was as the torment of a software engineer, when the project is late.
6 And in those days men shall seek to reboot, and shall in no wise find the right key combination.
7 And the shapes of the BAD BUGS were like unto Apple Lawyers prepared for suit; and upon their heads as it were FM receivers like unto gold, and their faces screwed up with False Indignation.
8 And they had hair as the shaved Mushrooms and varicolored dies of Tower Records, and their teeth were crooked and they called for their Orthodontists.
9 And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of nylon; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of jet planes and C-130's.
10 And they have tails like unto Stegosauruses, and stinking BIOSes; and in their tails is their power to make yoghurt and womanize.
11 They have over them as king the Honcho of the recycled mess.: his name in Hebrew is Ralf the Recycler
12 The first Woe is past: behold, there come yet thee Woes hereafter.
Woe Woe Woe!
13. And the sixth Rock Musician sounded with a neat ARM powered keyboard, and I heard a voice from the air horns of the golden altar which is before Poopy Panda and the Lord Roscoe
14 One saying to the sixth Rock Musician that had one Rock Guitar, Loose the four Rubber Rafts that are bound at the great river of Wash-Ka-Happiness.
15 And the four Rubber Rafts were loosed, that had been prepared for the hour and day and month and year, that they should convince the third part of men with righteous Baloney.
16 And the number of the armies of the horseflies was twice ten thousand times ten thousand (200,000,000): I heard the buzzing of them.
17 And thus I saw the horseflies in the vision, and them that shat on them, having breastplates as of fireflies and of hyacinth and of briar patches: and the heads of lingerie; and out of their mouths proceedeth drivel.
18 By these three bugs was the third part of men befuddled, by the lingerie sales in february, which proceeded out of their months.
19 For the power of the horseflies is in their Garbage Pails
20 And the rest of mankind, who were not befuddled with these BAD TV SHOWS, repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship C_DEMONS and other debuggers and the idols of gold, and of silver, and of Silicon, and of Software, and of Hardware; which can see, and hear, and crawl on treads:
21 And they repented of their Bugs, of their Timing Errors or of their flockulation, nor of their clefs.
1. And I saw another Interesting Programmer coming down out of Newark, arrayed with a cloud chamber ; and a rainbow laser.
2 And he had in his hand a little computer file open: and he set his right foot upon the C compiler, and his left upon the assembler;
3 And he cried with a great voice, as a lion roareth: and when he cried, the seven FM Synthesizers uttered their voices.
4 And when the seven FM Synthesizers uttered their voices, I was about to write: and I heard a voice from Newark saying, Seal up the things which the seven FM Synthesizers uttered, and write them not.
5 And the Interesting Programmer that I saw standing upon the C compiler and upon the Assembler lifted up his right hand to Newark,
6 And swore by The Little Lord Joozis that liveth for ever and ever, who created Newark and the things that are therein, and Poopy Panda who speaks from the Words of the Great Got mota. About the earth and the things that are therein, and the sea and the things that are therein, that there shall be delay lines no longer for all is synchronous.
7 And in the days of the voice of the seventh Interesting Programmer, when he is about to type, then is finished the mystery of Poopy Panda's Program, according to the good tidings which he declared to his subscribers the prophets.
8. And the voice which I heard from Newark, I heard it again speaking with me, and saying, Go, take the computer file which is open in the hand of the Programmer that standeth upon the C compiler and upon the Assembler.
9 And I went unto the Programmer, saying unto The Little Lord Joozis that he should give me the little computer file. And he saith unto me, Take it, and insert it into your computer; and it shall make thy belly better, but in thy butterfly it shall be sweet as honey.
10 And I took the little computer file out of the Programmers hand, and put it into my computer; and it was in my butterfly sweet as honey: and when I had run the program it made my belly better.
11 And they say unto me, Thou must E-mail again to many peoples and nations and smoked tongues and kingalings.
1. And there was given me a laser rangefinder with the differential GPS of Trimble Navigation: and one said, Rise, and measure the Temple of Mota, and the altar of Poopy Panda, and them that worship therein.
2 And the Parking Lot which is without the temple leave without, and measure it not; for it hath been given unto the automobiles: and the hoogly shopping mall shall they tread under foot forty and two months.
3. And I will give unto my two video tapers, and they shall video tape a thousand two hundred and threescore days, clothed in suits from the Clothing Broker.
4 These are the two Apricot trees and the two Fierce Rabbits, standing before Mota's Temple and the Seven Hamster Cages with cute Hamsters in them.
5 And if any man desireth to hurt them, lawyerly writs proceedeth out of their mouth and confoundeth their enemies; and if any man shall desire to hurt them, in this manner must he be sequestered.
6 These Rabbits have the power to shut the gates of Newark, that it rain not during the days of July and August: and they have power over the waters to turn them into highly effective detergent, and to clean the earth from shmutz, as often as they shall desire.
7 And when they shall have finished their testimony, the cute little furry creatures that cometh up out of the Pet Store and the Back Yard shall eat nuts and berries and trail mix.
8 And the Cool Dudes will party in the street of the great city, which is called San Jose and Milpitas, where also their Little Lord Joozis was found in the Little Rubber Raft filled with Papishkies and Investment instruments..
9 And from among the peoples and tribes and tongues and nations do men look upon the Cool Dudes three days and a half, and hear the Cool Dude Rock Concert.
10 And they that dwell on the earth rejoice over them, and make merry; and they shall send gifts one to another; because these two Cool Dudes and thee Tenors Entertained them that dwell on the earth.
11 And after the three days and a half the spirit of Prophesy from Poopsy Panda entered into them, and they stood upon their feet and began to Prophersy.
12 And they heard a great voice from Newark saying unto them, Come up hither. And they went up into Newark in the Blimp; leaving their enemas to their enemies.
13 And in that hour there was a great Boing, and the tenth part of the city smelled; and there were Boinged in the Great Boing seven thousand persons: and the rest were affronted, and gave gloryosky and Papishkies to Poopy Panda of Newark.
14. The second Woe is past: behold, the third Woe cometh quickly. Oye Woe!
15 And the seventh Rock Guitar sounded; and there followed great noises in Newark, and they said, The kingdom of the world is become the kingdom of our Lord Roscoe, and of The Little Lord Joozis: and he shall Entertain for ever and ever.
16 And the four and twenty Old Pegunkins, who sit before Poopy Panda on their Gungle-Platzes, fell upon their Tushes and worshipped Poopy Panda,
17 Saying, We give thee Bupkes, O Lord Poopy Panda, and to the Lord Roscoe, who makes the pronouncements of Mota Plain and who was because thou hast taken thy great power, and did rain Green Pee from the Lord Roscoe.
18 And the nations were froth, and thy frath came, and the time of the Cool Dudes to be judged on their Entertainment Potential, and the time to give their reward to thy prophets, and to the Pegunkins, and to them that love thy name, the small and the great; and to detain and re-educate the Yuchy people that don't beleive in the true Gods.
19 And there was opened the Temple of Mota that is in Newark; and there was seen in his Temple the Hoogly Black Computer of his covenant; and there followed lighting effects, and voices, and Noises, and a San Jose Quake Soccer Game, and a great smell.
1. And a great billboard was seen in Newark: a woman sitting at a Sun Microsystems Workstation, and the Shag Rug under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve Embeddable Micro-Processors;
2 And she was with child; and she crieth out, travailing in birth, and in pain to be delivered.
3 And there was seen another billboard in Newark: and behold, a great red dragon, draggin around a great tail made from Video Tape and Pop Tarts.
4 And his tail draweth the third part of the Embeddable Micro-Processors of Newark, and did cast them to the earth before they could be programmed: and the dragon standeth before the woman that is about to be delivered, that when she is delivered he may debug her Embeddeble Micro-processors.
5 And she was delivered of a son, a man child, who is rude to all the nations with a Laser of Gallium-Arsenide-Phosphide: and her child was caught up unto Poopy Panda, and unto his Gungle-Platz.
6 And the woman fled into the Wilderness of Zin, where she hath a place prepared of Poopy Panda, that there she watcheth Television and eateth TV dinners that nourish her a thousand two hundred and threescore days.
7 And there was war in Newark: Michael and his Internet E-mails going forth to Flame the dragon; and the dragon flamed with his Internet E-mails;
8 And they prevailed not, neither was their logins found any more in Newark.
9 And the great dragon was cast down, the old Snerd, he and him who is called Snidely Whiplash, the Scam Men of the whole world; he was cast down to the earth, and his Internet E-mails were erased.
10 And I heard a great voice in Newark, saying, Now is come the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our Great God Mota, and the authority of the Lord Roscoe: for Snerd is cast down, who flameth them before our Poopy Panda daily and nightly.
11 And The Little Lord Joozis overcame because of the highly effective detergent of the Rabbit, and because of the word of their Computer Files; and they loved their Files even unto Backup.
12. Therefore rejoice, O Newarkanians, and ye that dwell in those houses. Woe for the earth and for the sea: because Snerd is gone down unto you, having great Froth, knowing that he hath but a short time to Wax Wroth.
13 And when Snerd saw that he was down cast, he Flamed the woman that brought forth the man child with Nasty E-mails..
14 And there were given to the woman the two wings of the great Mooney Put-Put, that she might fly into the wilderness unto her Air Port, where she is nourished for a time, and time and a half, far from the face of Snerd.
15 And Snerd cast out of his ear after the woman, wax as a wig-wam, that he might cause her to wax too many floors.
16 And the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened her crack and swallowed up the wax which Snerd cast out of his ear.
17 And the dragon waxed Floors for the woman, and went away to make more wax for Simon and Isaak, the rest of her Mishpocha, that keep the commandments of Poopy Panda, and hold the testimony of Lord Roscoe:
1. And I stood upon the sand of the sea. And I saw a cute furry creature coming up out of the sea, having ten Whiskers, and seven Abalones, and on his Whiskers ten diadems, and upon his Abalones names of ten Mollusks.
2 And the cute little furry creature which I saw was like unto a Sea Otter, and his feet were as the feet of a Sea Otter, and his mouth as the mouth of a Sea Otter: and The Little Lord Joozis played with the Sea Otters at the Monterey Aquarium.
3 And I saw one of his Abalones as though it had been bitten unto death; and the whole earth loved the cute little furry creature;
4 And they worshipped the Great White Shark and made Movies and a theme park for Him. But Poopy Panda gave his authority unto the cute little furry Sea Otter; and they worshipped the cute little furry creature, saying, Who is like unto the cute little furry creature, but another cute furry creature?
5 And there was given to The Little Lord Joozis a mouth speaking Puns and Jokes; and there was given to The Little Lord Joozis authority to continue forty and two months in the Hoogly Comedy Club.
6 And he opened his mouth for Jokes for Poopy Panda, to make Silliness in his name, and his Comedy Club, even them that dwell in the Newark.
7 And it was given unto The Little Lord Joozis to make wax for the Pegunkins, and to shine them: and there was given to The Little Lord Joozis authority over the Jokes of every tribe and people and tongue and nation.
8 And all that dwell on the earth shall be Entertained by The Little Lord Joozis, every one whose name hath been written in the computer file of LIFOs of the Rabbit .
9 If any man hath a Comment, let Peddidle hear. Unless it be a Nasty Comment, then he can keep it to Himself
10 If any man is for cat-ions, into cat-ions he goeth: if any man shall be skilled with the word-processor, with the word-processor must he be skilled. Here is the patience and the faith of the Pegunkins .
11. And I saw another Advertizing Man coming up out of the dirt; and he had fiery Cigarettes and was a prevaricator.
12 And he exerciseth all the While of Evil and permeate the air with foul smelling Pipes, Cigars and Cigarettes. And Fumanchu said," Many Men Smoke but Fumanchu".
13 And the Advertizing Man doeth great billboards and Posters, that he should even make firemen to come down out of Newark upon the earth in the sight of men in Red Trucks.
14 And he deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by reason of the billboards of Joe Camel which it was given the Advertizing Man to do in the sight of the Teen Agers; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image of False Coolness and make Bad Smells and loud Burps.
15 And it was given unto The Advertizing Man to give breath to it, even to the image to the Camel, that the image of the Camel should both speak, and cause that as many as believed in the Camel to smoke till all should be killed by the Camel or by the Marlboro Man.
16 And he causeth all, the small and the great, and the rich and the poor, and the free and the bond, that there be given them a cigarette stain on their right hand, or upon their lips;
17 And that no man should be able to Smoke or to smell, save he that hath the cigarette stain, even the name of the Camel or the number of his Bank Account.
18 Here is wisdom. He that hath understanding, let The Little Lord Joozis count the number of the Camel ; for it is the number of a Cigarette: and his number is Six hundred and sixty and six thousand six hundred and sixty six point 6666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666.......
1. And I saw, and behold, the Rabbit standing on the mount Zion, and with The Little Lord Joozis a 144,000, having his name, and the name of his The Great God Mota, written on their PAPISHKIES.
2 And I heard a voice from Newark, as the voice of many gurgles, and as the voice of a great Thumper: and the voice which I heard was as the voice of harpsichordists, harpsichording with their harpsichords:
3 And they sang as it were a new Rock song before the Gungle-Platz, and before the four living creatures and the Old Pegunkins: and no man could learn the song because they were too stupid.
4 These are they that live south of Washington D.C.; for they are Virginians. These are they that follow the Rabbit whithersoever he goeth. These were selected from among men, to be the first fruits unto Poopy Panda and unto the Rabbit .
5 And in their mouth was found no lye: they are not flemish nor waloon.
6. And I saw another Internet E-mail flying in mid Newark, having eternal good tidings to proclaim unto them that dwell on the earth, and unto every nation and tribe and tongue and people;
7 and he saith with a great voice, Love Poopy Panda, and give The Little Lord Joozis gloryosky; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship The Lord Roscoe that made the Newark News and the earth and sea and fountains of Green Pee.
8 And another, a second Internet E-mail, followed, saying, Fallen, fallen is French Cooking the great, that hath made all the nations to drink of the wine of bordeaux.
9 And another Internet E-mail, a third, followed them, saying with a great voice, If any man worshippeth the Camel and his image, and receiveth a Cigarette stain on his lips, or upon his hand,
10 he also shall drink of the detergent of Poopy Panda, which is prepared unmixed in the cup of his potions; and he shall be tormented with withdrawal and Nicotine Fits in the presence of the hoogly Internet E-mails, and in the presence of the Rabbit :
11 And the smoke of the Cigars goeth out for ever and ever; and they have no rest day and night, they that worship the Camel and his Posters and Billboards, and whoso receiveth the cigarette stain..
12 Here is the patience of the Pegunkins, they that keep the commandments of Poopy Panda, and the faith of Lord Roscoe.
13. And I heard the voice from Newark saying, Write, Blessed are the Cool Dudes who love the Lord Roscoe from henceforth: yea, saith Poopy Panda, that they may rest from their labors; for their works wallow with them.
14 And I saw, and behold, a rose beige Blimp; and on the Blimp I saw one sitting like unto a son of woman, having on his head a golden FM receiver, and in his hand an ARM powered Newton Message Pad with a ruby powered CDPD.
15 And another Internal Revenue Agent came out from the temple, crying with a great voice to The Lord Roscoe that sat on the Blimp, Send forth thy tickly Whiskers: for the hour to tickle is come; for the belly buttons of the earth are sensitive.
16 And he that sat on the Blimp cast his tickle upon the earth; and the earth was in laughter.
17 Another Internal Revenue Agent came out from the temple which is in Newark, he also having a subtle tickle method.
18 And another Internal Revenue Agent came out from the altar, he that hath power over Puns and he called with a great voice to The Little Lord Joozis that had the Hoogly Jokes, saying, Send forth thy Puns and gather the clusters of the belly buttons of the earth; for her bellies are fully sensitive.
19 And the Internal Revenue Agent cast his tickle into the earth, and gathered the vintage of the belly buttons, and cast it into the underarms, the great underarm, of the belly of Poopy Panda and Heavenly Bamboo.
20 And the bellies are tickled without the city, and there came out highly effective detergent from the belly, even unto the bellies of the horses, as far as a thousand and six hundred fur balls.
1. And I saw another TV Show from Newark, great and marvellous, seven Internal Revenue Agents having seven user files, for in them is found the 1040s of Poopy Panda. And the screen writer was the Little Lord Joozis
2 And I saw as it were a sea of fused quartzes mingled with fur balls; and them that come off victorious from the Lord Roscoe, and from his side kick, and from the number of his name, standing by the sea of fused quartzes, having harpsichords or keyboard synthesizers of General Music.
3 And they sang the song of Moozis the Old time PROPHET in good standing of Poopy Panda, and the song of the Rabbit, saying, Great and marvellous are thy works, O Lord Roscoe, the Great God Mota; righteous and true are thy ways, thou King of the Arguments and Structs.
4 Who shall not love thee, O Lord Roscoe, and glorioskify thy name? for thou only art hoogly; for all the nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy righteous acts have been made into a Musical.
5. And after these things I saw, and the temple of the tabernacle of the tall testimony in Newark was opened:
6 and there came out from the temple the seven Internal Revenue Agents that had the seven user files, arrayed with precious Hamsters, pure and bright, and girt about their breasts with white fur.
7 And one of the five living creatures gave unto the seven Internal Revenue Agents seven golden CD disks full of LINUX and the sayings of Poopy Panda, who liveth for ever and ever.
8 And the temple was filled with smoke from the gloryosky of Poopy Panda, and from his power; and none was able to enter into the temple, till the seven files from the seven Internet E-mails should be un-tar-ed.
1. And I heard a great voice out of the temple, saying to the seven Internal Revenue Agents, Go ye, and pour out the seven disks of the 1040s of Poopy Panda into the micro-computers.
2 And the first went, and read out his disk to the assembled masses; and it became a noisome and grievously long complaint upon the men that had the cigarettes stains of the Camel, and that worshipped his Cigarettes.
3 And the second poured out his disk into the C++; and it became highly effective detergent as of a Cool Dude; and every living soul was made clean, even the things that were in the C++.
4 And the third read out his disk into the network and the fountains of the waters; and it became highly effective detergent.
5 And I heard the Internet E-mail from the waters saying, Righteous art thou, who art Cool, thou Hoogly One, because thou did thus judge:
6 For they poured out the highly effective detergent on the Pegunkins and the prophets, and highly effective detergent hast thou given them to drink: but they washed instead.
7 And I heard the altar saying, Yea, O Lord Poopy Panda, and the Great God Mota, true and righteous are thy judgments and pontifications.
8. And the fourth read out his disk upon the sun computer; and it was given unto it to display to men with Motif and X Windows and NeXT Step.
9 And men were display men with great heaps of RAM: and they recorded the name of Poopy Panda who hath the power over these files; and they gave The Little Lord Joozis gloryosky.
10 And the fifth read out his disk upon the Gungle-Platzes of the cute little furry creatures; and his kingdom was darkened and screen savers appeared; and they gnawed their fingernails for debugging,
11 And they blasphemed the Poopy Panda of Newark because of their debugging and their programs; and they repented not of their workstations.
12. And the sixth read out his disk upon the great network, the network of Internet; and the files thereof were dried up, that the way might by made ready for the Computer Chips that come from the Data Path Compiler.
13 And I saw coming out of the ear of the dragon, and out of the Camel, and out of the mouth of the false prophet Snerd, three unclean Fur Balls, as it were froggy froth:
14 for they are Shpritzers of demons, working bad advertizing billboards; which go forth unto the kings of the whole world, to gather them together unto the celebration of the great day of Poopy Panda and The Great Mota.
15 Behold, I come as a Gonif. Blessed is he that Swimmeth, and keepeth his Swimming Suit, lest he swim naked, and they see his Tush..
16 And they gathered them together into the place which is called in Hebrew Tel Aviv and unto Dezengoff Circle.
17. And the seventh read out his disk upon the airwaves; and there came forth a great voice out of the Radio, from the Gungle-Platz, saying, It is done:
18 And there were lighting effects, and voices, and thunders; and there was a great earthquake, such as was not since there were men upon the earth, so great an earthquake, so mighty.
19 And the great city was divided into into three parts, and the cities of the Goyim fell: and Main Frame was remembered in the sight of Poopy Panda, to give unto her the cup of the wine of the fierceness of Hussain.
20 And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found.
21 And great hail, every stone about the weight of a talented programmer, cometh down out of Newark upon men: and men blasphemed Poopy Panda because of the plague of the hail; for the plague of programs thereof is exceeding great.
1. And there came one of the seven Internal Revenue Agents that had the seven bowls, and spake with me, saying, Come thither, I will show thee the judgment of the great Insurance Mavin that sitteth upon Reams of Forms and Paperwork;
2 with whom the kings of the earth committed Fortran, and they that dwell in the earth were made drunken with the wine of her Fortran.
3 And he carried me away with Poopy Panda into a wilderness: and I saw a woman sitting upon a scarlet-colored Mustang, full of exhaust pipes, having seven head lights and ten horns.
4 And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet, and decked with gold and precious stones and Servo Mechaisms, having in her hand a golden cup full of nut and bolts, even the uncool things of her Fortran,
5 and upon her forehead a name written, Master or the Main Frame, The Formally Great, The mother of Insurance Mavins and of the Abdomens of the Earth.
6 And I saw the woman drunken with bath tub Gin of the Pegunkins, and clean with the highly effective detergent of the Pedunkins of the Lord Roscoe. And when I saw her, I threw her a great Wonder Bread.
7. And the Internal Revenue Agent said unto me, Wherefore did thou throgh wonder bread? I will tell thee the mystery of the woman, and of the Mustang that carrieth her, which hath the seven head lights and the ten horns.
8 The Mustang that thou sawest was about to come up out of the Garage, and to go into the Car Wash. And they that dwell on the earth shall wonder, they who are more than thirty years old, when they behold the Mustang, how that it was a small car then became a Big Muscle Car then dissapered and the was reborn and then grew again.
9 Here is the mind that hath wisdom. The seven head lights are seven quartz iodine lamps, on the Mustang in which the woman sitteth:
10 and they are seven electrical loads; the five have blown their fuses, the one is warm, the other is not yet tuned on; and when it is connected, he must shine a little while.
11 And the Mustang that was driven by the Insurance Mavin, is not as Cool as the big Van driven by The Little Lord Joozis.
12 And the ten honking horns that thou sawest are wired to play ten tunes, who have received no royalty as yet; but they receive royalty as tunes, with the BMI, for one hour on MTV.
13 These have one tune, and they give their power and royalty authority unto the cute Mustang.
14. These shall war over the airwaves against the Rabbit, and the Rabbit shall overcome them with Righteous Baloney, for he is Rabbit of Rabbits,; and they also shall overcome them, those that are with The Little Lord Joozis, called the chosen and faithful Pegunkins.
15 And he saith unto me, The waters which thou sawest, where the Insurance Mavin sitteth, are Water slides and amusment park rides..
16 And the ten horns which thou heard, and the cute little furry Sea Otter, these shall hate the Insurance Mavin, and shall make her desconsolate and despondent, and shall eat her fish, and she shall burn her season ticket with fire.
17 For the Lord Roscoe did put in their hearts to come to Monterey, and to give their money to see the cute little furry Sea Otter, so that the words of Poopy Panda should be accomplished.
18 And the woman whom thou sawest is the Insurance Mavin, which reigneth over the Companies of the earth.
1. After these things I saw another Internal Revenue Agent coming down out of Newark, having great authority; and the earth was declared with his gloryosky.
2 And he cried with a mighty voice, saying, Fallen, fallen are Main Frames of IBM and Amdahl, and they have become a habitation of old Fortran and Cobol, and a symbol of every screwed up Software Project, and a perch of every unclean and hateful bird brain.
3 For by the algorithms of her Fortran all the nations are forgotten in bad disk sectors; and the Old programmers wrote Fortran with her, and the Insurance Salesmen of the earth waxed rich by the power of her Main Frames and Disk Drives.
4 And I heard another voice from Newark, saying, Come forth, my people, out of her Large Computers, that ye have no fellowship with her Holerith Cards, and that ye receive not of her programs, but learn Objective C or C++.
5 For her nastiness have reached even unto Newark, and Poopy Panda hath remembered her Bad Bugs and lack of Stacks.
6 Render unto her even as she rendered RenderMan, and double unto her the double according to her programs: in the cup which she mingled, mingle unto her double.
7 How much soever she glorified herself, and waxed with a Mopp the raised floors, so much give her of slippery floors: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queeny, and am no slider, and shall in no wise see project slippage.
8 Therefore in one day shall her Benchmarks come; and she shall be utterly sacked with layoffs; for strong is the Lord Poopy Panda who fired her.
9. And the kings of dirth, who programmed in Fortran and waxed Mopply with her, shall keep her old CPM files, when they look upon the smoke of her pot roast,
10 standing afar off for the fear of her wet cement, saying, Woe, woe, the great city Comptroller's Main Frame, the strong Big Expensive Computer! for in one hour is thy cement mixer come and thou hast to be be buried in wet cement.
11 And the mendicants of the city pleaded, for no man giveth them Bupkes any more, saying, arise up sons of slimey mud for Bo Diddily is singing the words of Poopy Panda!
12 And in the fashon center were merchandise of gold, and silver, and precious stone, and Door opening Servo Mechaisms, and fine linen, and purple, and silk, and scarlet; and all thine wood, and every vessel of ivory, and every vessel made of most precious wood, and of brass, and iron, and marble;
13 And at Trader Joe's was found cinnamon, and spice, and incense, and ointment, and frankincense, and wine, and oil, and fine flour, and wheat, and at the Cow Palace was seen cattle, and sheep; and in the Grea Mall was seen merchandise of horses and Automobiles and Appliances; and soles of shoes.
14 And the fruits which thy stomach lusted after are eaten, and all things that were dainty and sumptuous are eaten, and women shall find them at Safeway or Price Club.
15 The merchants of these things, who were made rich by advertising, shall stand afar off for the fear of her wet cement, sleeping and snoring;
16 saying, Woe, woe, the great Main Frame, she that was arrayed with blinking lights and fine Disk Drives as big as washing machines and tape drives as big as refrigerators, and decked with Teletype Terminals and Line Printers!
17 for in a decade so great riches is made into Boat Anchors. And every Management Information Specialist, and every one that saileth off to the Information Highway, and Seatle Mariners, and as many as gain their living by Spread Sheets and sit in the Lotus Position
18 and cried out as they looked upon the smoke of her disk turning, saying, What Main Frame is like the great IBM Main Frame?
19 And they cast off disks from their heads, and cried, beeping and groaning, saying, Woe, woe, the great Main Frame, wherein all that had their Data were made rich by reason of her costliness! for in one decade is she made into Boat Anchors.
20 Rejoice over her, thou Newark, and ye Pegunkins, and ye distributed Networkers, and ye Internet prophets; for Poopy Panda hath judged your judgment on her Main Frame.
21 And a strong Internal Revenue Agent took up a stone as it were a great Boat Anchor and cast it into the sea, saying, Thus with a mighty fall shall the Main Frame, the great Computer, be cast down, and shall be found no more at all.
22 And the voice of harpschorders and minstrels and flute-players and Rock Guitar Players shall be heard no more at all in thee; and no craftsman, of whatsoever craft, shall be found any more at all in thee; and the voice of a Disk Crash shall be heard no more at all in thee;
23 and the light of many blinking lamps shall shine no more at all on thee; and the voice of the Programmer and of the Operator and the Card Puncher shall be heard no more at all in thee: for thy owners were the Ross Perots of the earth; for with thy source code were all the nations taxed.
24 And then was found the highly effective detergent of prophets and of Pegunkins, and of all that have burped upon the earth.
1. After these things I heard as it were a great voice of a great multitude in Newark, saying, Hallelujah; Salvation, and gloryosky, and power, belong to our Poopy Panda and Our Lord Roscoe:
2 for true and righteous are his judgments; for he hath judged the great Perot, him that corrupted the earth with Medicare Cobol, and he hath avenged the highly effective detergent of his subscribers at General Motors.
3 And a second time they say, Hallelujah. And her Computer Tape goeth around for ever and ever.
4 And the four and twenty Old Pegunkins and the five living creatures fell down and worshipped Poopy Panda that sitteth on the Gungle-Platz, saying, Amen; Hallelujah.
5. And a voice came forth from the Gungle-Platz, saying, Give praise to our Poopy Panda, all ye his subscribers, ye that love The Little Lord Joozis, the small and the great.
6 And I heard as it were the voice of a great multi-meter, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunders, saying, Hallelujah: for the Lord our Poopy Panda, the Cute and Furry reigneth.
7 Let us rejoice and be exceeding glad, and let us give the gloryosky unto The Little Lord Joozis: for the marriage of the Rabbit is come, and his wife hath made herself Rabbitly ready.
8 And it was given unto her that she should array herself in fine linen, bright and pure: for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the Pegunkins .
9 And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they that are bidden to the marriage supper of the Rabbit . And he saith unto me, These are true words of Poopy Panda.
10 And I fell down before his feet to laugh at the Jokes of The Little Lord Joozis. And he saith unto me, See thou do it not: I am a fellow-PROPHET in good standing with thee and with thy brethren that hold the testimony of Lord Roscoe: worship Poopy Panda; for the testimony of Lord Roscoe is the word of Poopy Panda and his E-mails.
11. And I saw the Newark opened; and behold, a rose beige Corvette, and her that sat in it called Judy TrueBlood; and in righteous she doth sew and make wigs.
12 And her exhaust are a flame of fire, and upon her head are many diadems; and she hath a Login name written which no one knoweth but The Little Lord Joozis self.
13 And she is arrayed in a garment sprinkled with highly effective detergent: and her name is called The Bride of Poopy Panda.
14 And the armies which are in Newark followed The Little Lord Joozis in rose beige Corvettes and BMWs, clothed in fine leather, rose beige and pure.
15 And out of his mouth proceedeth a sharp Pun, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a Pun of Words: and he vieweth the winepress of the Winery of Poopy Panda, and Mota.
16 And he hath on his Truck and on his Blimp a name written, The Great God Mota is the Big Gahoona!
17 And I saw an Internal Revenue Agent standing by the sun workstation; and he cried with a loud voice, saying to all the birds that fly in mid Newark, Come and be gathered together unto the great supper of Poopy Panda;
18 that ye may eat the birdseed, and wash in the bird baths of old tires, and sit on electric wires, and ride on the backs of horses and poop on them that sit thereon.
19 And I saw The Little Lord Joozis that sat in the Old Pannel Truck, and heard his loud speakers.
20 And the cute little furry creature was taken with The Little Lord Joozis. And the false prophet Billy Graham that wrought blasphemies, wherewith he deceived them that had received the mark of the cigarette stains and them that worshipped the image of Joe Camel: they two were cast alive into the lake of Slimey water filled with Blue-Green Algae:
21 and the rest were Entertained with the Jokes of The Little Lord Joozis that sat in the Old Pannel Truck, even the sillness which came forth out of his mouth: and all the birds were filled with birdseed.
1. And I saw an Internal Revenue Agent coming down out of Newark, having the key of the Taxes and a great chain in his hand.
2 And he laid hold on the dragon with the tail made from Old Video Tape, and Snerd, and Snidely Whiplash of the Three False Gods, and Garnished them for a thousand years,
3 and cast Snerd, and Snidely Whiplash into the Tax Prison, and shut it, and sealed it over Snerd, and Snidely Whiplash, that they should deceive the nations no more, until the thousand years should be finished: after this he must be loosed for a little time.
4 And I saw Gungle-Platzes, and they who sat upon them, and judgment was given unto them: and I saw the soles of shoes that had been worn for the testimony of Lord Roscoe, and for the word of Poopy Panda, and such as worshipped the cute little furry creature, or saw his image in the Video Tape, and received not the mark of cigarette stains and upon their hand or lips; and they lived, and reigned with the Lord Roscoe and the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters.
5 The rest of the Dudes should be Finnish or Russian or Himalayan. This is the first inspection.
6 Blessed and hoogly is he that hath part in the first inspection: over these the Main Frame no power; but they shall be priests of Poopy Panda and of The Lord Roscoe, and shall reign with The Little Lord Joozis a thousand years.
7 And when the thousand years are finished, The herd of Hoogly Hamsters shall fly in formation and carry the True Pegunkins for a joy ride.
8 and Snerd shall come forth out of Tax Prison to deceive the nations which are in the four corners of the earth, Goggle and Magogle, to gather them together to the Theater to steal their money away with Get Rich Quick Scheems: the number of whom is as the sand of the sea.
9 And they went up over the breadth of the earth, and compassed the camp of the Pegunkins about, and the beloved city: and Rabbits came down out of Newark, and devoured them.
10 And Snerd that deceived them was cast into the Chamber of Flatulence. Where are also the false prophet; and they shall smell day and night for ever and ever.
11. And I saw a great rose beige Gungle-Platz, and The Little Lord Joozis that sat upon it, from whose face the earth and the Newark smiled; and there was found no mirror for them.
12 And I saw the Cool Dudes, the great and the small, standing before the Gungle-Platz; and computer files were opened: and another computer file was opened, which is the computer file of life: and the Dudes were judged out of the things which were written in the computer files, according to their works.
13 And the sea gave up the Dudes that were in it; and Harvard (The Stanford of the East)gave up their Cool Dudes: and they were judged every man according to their Programs.
14 And Snidely Whiplash was cast into the Chamber of Flatulence.
15 And if any was not found written in the computer file of life, he was cast into the Chamber of Flatulence.
1. And I saw a new Newark and a new Plainfield: for the first Newark and the first Plainfield are Rioted Away.
2 And I saw the hoogly city, Milpitas, coming down out of Newark of Poopy Panda, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.
3 And I heard a great voice out of the Gungle-Platz saying, Behold, the tabernacle of Poopy Panda is with women, and he shall dwell with them, and they shall be his people persons, and Poopy Panda and The Little Lord Joozis shall be with them, and be their Local Deities:
4 And The Little Lord Joozis shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and all shall be Jokes; either shall there be morning, or evening, or day, or night.
5 And he that sitteth on the Gungle-Platz said, Behold, I make all things new for a few Papishkies. And he saith, Write: for these words are faithful and true.
6 And he said unto me, They are come to pass. I am the 1-1/2+1/6-1/24... and the square root of minus one, the beginning and the end. I will give unto The Little Lord Joozis who shall tell you Jokes.
7 He that overcometh shall inherit these things; and I will be his Poopy Panda, and he shall be my Pedunkin.
8 But for the fearful, and unbelieving, and abominable, and murderers, and Fortran Writers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, their part shall be in the Chamber of Flatulence; which is the Chamber of Bad Smell.
9. And there came one of the seven Internal Revenue Agents who had the seven bowls, who were laden with the seven last bugs; and he spake with me, saying, Come hither, I will show thee the bride, the wife of the Rabbit .
10 And he carried me away with Poopy Panda to a mountain great and high, and showed me the hoogly city Milpitas, coming down out of Newark from Poopy Panda,
11 having the gloryosky of Poopy Panda: her light was like unto a stone most precious, as it were a out of town jasper , clear as crystal:
12 having a wall great and high; having twelve gates, and at the gates twelve Internal Revenue Agents; and names written thereon, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Mota:
13 on the east were three gates; and on the north three gates; and on the south three gates; and on the west three gates.
14 And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them twelve names of the twelve apostles of the Lord Roscoe .
15 And he that spake with me had for a measure a golden Differential GPS to measure the city, and the gates thereof, and the wall thereof.
16 And the city lieth fivesquare, and the butter thereof is as great as the bread: and he measured the city with the Differential GPS, twelve thudred Meters: the length and the breadth and the height thereof was 100 meters.
17 And he measured the wall thereof, a hundred and forty and four meters, according to the measure of a meter, that is, of an Internal Revenue Agent.
18 And the building of the wall thereof was out of town jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto pure fused quartz.
19 The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all manner of precious elements. The first foundation was Germanium; the second, Silicon; the third, Copper; the fourth, Carborundum;
20 the fifth, Carbon; the sixth, Aluminum; the seventh, Titanium; the eighth, berylium; the ninth, boron; the tenth, Ytterbium; the eleventh, Nickel; the twelfth, Tungsten.
21 And the twelve gates were twelve Servo Mechaisms; each one of the several gates was of one Servo Mechaism: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent Quartz.
22 And I saw a big temple therein: and Poopy Panda and the Lord Roscoe, and the Rabbit, are ensconced therin.
23 And the city hath the gloryosky of Poopy Panda .
24 And the nations shall walk amidst the light thereof: and the kinks of the earth bring their gloryosky into it.
25 And the gates thereof shall in no wise be shut by day (for there shall be no night there):
26 and they shall bring the gloryosky and the honor of the nations into it:
27 and there shall in no wise enter into it anything unclean, or he that maketh an abomination and a lie: but only they that are written in the Rabbit 's computer file of life.
1. And he showed me a river of water of Swimming Pools, bright as crystal, proceeding out of the Gungle-Platz of Poopy Panda and of the Rabbit,
2 in the midst of the street thereof. And on this side of the river and on that was the tree of life, bearing twelve manner of fruits, yielding its fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.
3 And there shall be no curse any more: and the Gungle-Platz of Poopy Panda and of the Rabbit shall be therein: and his subscribers shall serve The Little Lord Joozis;
4 And they shall see his face; and his name shall be on their data banks.
5 And there shall be night no more; and they need no light of lamp, neither light of sun; for the Lord Poopy Panda shall give them fluorescent bulbs: and they shall reign for ever and ever.
6. And he said unto me, These words are faithful and true: and the Lord Roscoe, and Poopy Panda, the spirit of AshLozMo, the inspiration of the prophets, sent his Internal Revenue Agents to show unto his subscribers the things which must shortly come to pass.
7 And behold, I come quickly. Blessed is he that keepeth the words of this computer file.
8 And I Peddidle am he that heard and saw these things. And when I heard and saw, I fell down to worship before the feet of the Internal Revenue Agent that showed me these things.
9 And he saith unto me, See thou do it not: I am a fellow-PROPHET in good standing with thee and with thy brethren the prophets, and with them that keep the words of this computer file: worship Poopy Panda.
10 And he saith unto me, Seal not up the words of this computer file; for the time is at hand.
11 He that is unrighteous, let The Little Lord Joozis do Bad Jokes still: and he that is filthy, let The Little Lord Joozis be made to issue forth detergent: and he that is righteous, let The Little Lord Joozis do righteousness Baloney: and he that is hoogly, let The Little Lord Joozis be made hooglyer.
12 Behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to render to each man according as his programs.
13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.
14 Blessed are they that wash their robes, that they may have the right to come to the tree of files, and may enter in by the gates into the file system.
15 Without are the dogs, and the source code, and the furniture, and the mendalions, and the latelies, and every one that loveth and maketh lye.
16 I Lord Roscoe have sent mine E-mail to testify unto you these things for the Temples. I am the root and the offspring of Davidson Shoes, the bright, the morning Quasar.
17 And the Shpritzer that shpritzes righteous gases. And Rita-Bell say, Come to New Jersey and stay a spell. And he that is in need of Salivation, let them get two times more from belief in the Lord Roscoe than any other Saviour. And let The Little Lord Joozis take to the water of Swimming Pools to do the freestyle.
18 I testify unto every person that heareth the words of this computer file, if any person shall add unto them, Poopy Panda shall verily edit them for true faith and righteous orthodoxy unto the Baloney and Bube Maisa of Mota or the Jokes The Little Lord Joozis.
19 and if any man shall take away from the words of the computer file of this E-mail, Poopy Panda shall take away his part from the stack of LIFO, and out of the FIFO of the hoogly city, which are written in this computer file.
20. He who testifieth these things saith, Yea: I come quickly. Amen: come, Lord Roscoe and Poopy Panda.
21 The Gracie Slick of the Lord Lord Roscoe be with the Pegunkins . Amen yoo hotep.
To Previous Sacred Text of the Ishkibibble