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To Christian Reserach Institute #1
Mr. Martin Sheller |
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Hendrick Hanagraaf |
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Mr. Martin Sheller |
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Hendrick Hanagraaf |
Dear Brother Hank,
I received your letter of January 6, 1993 in which you lambasted those people who believe in Mary as Queen of Heaven. It sounds peculiar coming from a person who believes that Jesus is God. And since Jesus is God shouldn't his mother be a little godlike too!
I have been searching in the Scriptures for the answers to life's great questions and I was about to give my soul to Jesus, but I talked to a (formerly Jewish) friend and he said that I was making a big mistake. He has already converted to the religion of the LORD ROSCOE and the GREAT GOD MOTA. I was very upset because I didn't get to make my Christian pitch to him. I found that his new Rosconian Priest and Investment counselor was formally a Catholic Priest, took up Zen, but then converted to the religion of the Great God Mota and his Mother Elucelom.
It is good that the Jews killed Christ, because if he had died in old age from a heart attack or pneumonia, that would have been too ordinary. Can you imagine wearing a myocardial infarction or a pnumococcus around your neck? A Cross is real cool in comparison. Its too bad He didn't live 50 years ago in Europe because it would have been even more spectacular if He Rose after being gassed and burned to a crisp in the Nazi death camps. That would have even more religious because all the sacrifices in the Old Testament were supposed to be burned to ashes to make a pleasing smell for God. He would have been in good company because all the other Jews were being killed and burnt. That was a real good meal for God. Too bad His blood wasn't spilled on the altar as is says in Leviticus. The Germans by killing Jews, must have been absolved of all their sins for generations. That is why you should buy a Mercedes with all that good Christian Money that you get from believers. Then we would have a choice of wearing a boxcar or a Mercedes emblem around our necks.
I am waiting patiently for the second coming of Jesus. I hear that he is going to come from heaven to be our King. If he is coming from heaven shouldn't we be seeing Him already with the Hubble Space Telescope? I can't wait for heaven to be rolled up like a curtain. According to Brother Camping of Family Radio, Jesus is going to come in 1994. How are the stars going to fall to Earth? How is the new Jerusalem going to be powered? Do they have warp drive on it like the Enterprise?
My formerly Jewish (and now Rosconian) friend says that ROSCOE has died not once, but three times for our sins. That is two times more than Jesus did. He claims two times more salvation than Jesus. " More salvation for your religious investment!", is the slogan for his temple. They have High Hoogly Mess every Wednesday morning at 1:00 AM. I have not been there but I heard the tape recording. There are shouts and incantations by the Reverend Hablivilah, many people come up and witness for the Great Hamster. There is a choir and many instruments. My friend tells me that there are also lovely chased dancing girls and refreshments and a hockey game. The climax of the service comes when the basket of aromatic poopsies is dropped into the vat of boiling borscht. The explosion is tremendous.
So far I have not gone to the service for Roscoe, but it does sound interesting. The Temple of Roscoe has set up a new organization called the Jeez fer Joozis. According to their theology the Little Lord Joozis was found in a basket of 100 dollar bills on the Wash Ka Happy slough in down town Milpitas. He was fished from the river and was raised by a small band of California Rails and Avocets. His mother was Mavis and his father was Zamboni the Plumber. All those that saw him said Jeez! My friend says that ,"All those that do believe upon the Little Lord Joozis shall in no wise be cast out of the little basket of papishkies, but those that don't believe shall suffer in snarf and dreck.
Sincerely Yours;
Martin Sheller