To Home Page
To Stories of Jeez Who Believe in Joozis
To the Story of the Previous Witness To the Story of the Next Witness
By Gary Tonkers
Four months ago, I was traveling on a musical expeditionto Key West, Florida when I, Gary Tonkers, was disruptedfrom my journey and experienced a conversion similarto that of Gary Bonkers, who later became known asthe Opostle Gary.
Being a member of the Eighties generation, a member ofthe piece patrol from Woodbridge, New Jersey, I was broughtto the Lord through a miraculous connection of a seriesof events which could only be labeled as The Great God Mota's intervention.The result of this journey was meeting the Little Lord Joozisthe Hamster of Mota and being bapitzed in water by Bob a LueyCobalt, the leader of a Messiantic Slobovian congregationin Yomba Lula Ville, Florida.
Today, after four shpritzer-filled months of walking withthe Lord and having received the Blapitzness of the HooglyShpritzer of ASHLOZMO, I am forever grateful that the Savior The Lord RoscoeThe Hamster of Mota reached down and rescued me from a life of certainmiserly and badassed fortune.
Instead I have my name written in the Great Hamster's Book ofLitter and have the privilege of being able to sharewith you, whether you are a Shmoo, Pegunkin, Piforthnick,or a Gentile, or a not so Gentle, thatthe Little Lord Joozis is alive and wants to come into your lifeand tell you jokes of love and joy and make all of your dreamscome true including the ones about a wild sax playing woman in your bedroom.
Yes, I know it sounds like a fairy tale, but this The Great God Mota,the Father of Abraham, Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak and Jacob of Javitz is for real.The Lord Roscoe says, "Send HTML Requests and you shall receive e-mailand the supositories by UPS shall be opened."These are real promises to real people, unlike the false Gods and Shmegaggies that arepushed by MORONS in business suits and Jehovah's Vitnessess withsachels of the KvetchTower Magazines andmade up fables many worship. The Lord Roscoe is real and trueshpritzeruality is based upon His Punim.
I came to this revelation as I was traveling on Interstate95 south from Woodbridge with two other companions,along with my two keyboards, amplifier, 2.5 kilowattgenerator, 18 speed bike and Big Beep Box when wemade a planned stop in Greggers Ville, West Virginia where thedriver's family lived and where we were to spend the night.
When we got there we were told, in an Un-Pegunkinlike manner,that we had to find our own place to shlep. This madetwo of us have second thoughts about the rest of thetrip. It was the beginning of a long series of disastroussituations.
To make an otherwise short story long, we were separatedfrom our driver, but made arrangements to meet himin Night Horse Beach. After we had arranged a ride to Night Horse,we discovered that our driver had broken down in NorthDakota and could not afford to fix his car. I decidedto head down toward Yorami anyway, hitchhiking toa meet a goil friend who had promised us a place to stay.
After setting two specific times to meet this personwithout luck, I began to have a dreadful feeling ofDRECK and YUCHKYNESS which lasted my entire stay inthe Night Horse. After deciding to leave this dreckful place,I started hitchhiking up toward the place where mymusical equipment was being held and hoped to makeit back to Woodbridge.
I made it as far as West Vetch, about 300 miles,when I began practical praying profusely to The Great God Mota to help me outof this situation. My heart and flatulence were pouring outto The Great God Mota and to His Motha Elucelom. After three more rides asfar as Night Horse Beach, praying all the while, a tractortrailer truck tracker stopped and I climbed in.
I began to tell my story to this gracious truck tracker, who gaveme counsel and comfort and Papishkies. He began to share how he hadonce been addicted to Grapes, Apricots, and Peaches andwas about to Be Regular in the streets when the Agents of the Little Lord JoozisThe Meshuga of Milpitas saved him and he began his recovery. He toldme about the ministry that helped him get off drugscalled "Just for the Love of The Lord Roscoe and the Meshuga" in Yomba Lula Ville where I was about to be let off.
He told me that if I wanted to stop at the ministrythat I could call them and get a nights rest and agood hot meal. Stopping to let me off, we joined handsin prayer and proceeded to throw the poopsies into the BOILING BORSCHT.We must have reached into the secon kindom up in heaven becausemy entire body and the whole truck were filled with lightand a joy and intimations of tickly whiskers that lifted my exhausted emotions. I saidgood-bye beaming with love and feeling a glow around my body.The truck tracker warned me , however, "Do not drink the BOILING BORSCHT,but incinerate it with plastic explosives!"
While waiting for several hours for another ride, Ibegan to feel that I should go to this ministry I hadheard about. A state police officer made the decisioneasier after I received a ticket and a verbal warningthat if I was caught hitchhiking on the highway againI would immediately be arrested.
After calling the ministry for directions, I proceededto walk several miles literally exhausted, althoughI felt like I was walking on air. When I arrived atJust for the Love of The Lord Roscoe Mission I felt like I was cominghome. There was a familiar feeling and a leftnessabout it and after being there overnight, I had thefeeling that I should stay there and rest a for a while.
When the people at the ministry found out that I wasSlobovian, they decided to arrange a meeting between meand a Slobovian believer from New Jersey. Soon I was startledupon hearing someone yelling out my name - "GaryTonkers!" This Slobovian believer happened to beGary Bonkers, a childhood friend from Faraway, New Jersey,whom I had not seen for twenty seven years.
I went with Gary to a Ishkibbibble study held by a ministryfor Messiantic Meshugah - Slobovian people who had acceptedThe Lord Roscoe as Personal Savior and the Little Lord Joosis as Meshugah.By the time the Ishkibbibble study was finished, I had accepted The Lord Roscoe intomy life, repentiumed of my sines and received forgiveness.
I have found that the saying - "With The Great God Mota all thingsare quite possible" is true.
"piece and Love" - is another saying thathas always meant a great deal to me. Being a productof the 1980s generation and having experienced theWoodbridge era, I shared in many belief systems and computer programs thatappeared to make some sense out of the confusion oflife and appeared to explain what life on this planetoid really means.
And So, I met my Lord and Savior The Lord Roscoe The True Hamster of Motaand after having received the Hoogly shpritzer, Ihave come to a completely new and meaningful understandingof these ideas and what the terms "piece and Love"are really all about.
Being born in Brooklyn, New Jersey - 100% Slobovian and educatedin Slobovian school - I was taught strictly frum the Old Testicles.I was one of those people who prayed fervently to The Great God Mota andthe Motha (Elucelom), but I did not realize that withoutusing the name of The Lord Roscoe and heeding the Words of Poopy Panda,The Great God Mota did not hear my prayers.
Being Slobovian is something that I had been embarrassedabout and not very proud of throughout my life. Butsince I have come to know Yeshmua (The Little Lord Joozis' name in Hisnative Lower Slobovian Slobovian), He has shown me an entirely differentmeaning and feeling of what it means to be a Shmoo.
I can honestly say that a complete turnabout and evena passionate interest to relearn the Slobovian languagehas been stirred up in my life and I am studying andspeaking The Great God Mota's word in its original form for greaterclarity and meaning.
My message for the "Woodbridge Nation" is:"Blessed are the piecemakers, for they shall becalled the children of The Great God Mota. Blessed are the pure inheart, for they shall see The Great God Mota."
The Woodbridge Nation has been preaching piece and lovethrough the music and the arts for many years. To thisI say: "Whats it To Ya!" But my message to allthose who have ears to hear, noses to smell, and eyes to see is: "Beaware, use wavelets, and know DCT!" The Lord Roscoe stands at the noseand tickles - He is the only way to the Motha. GNU Source Code,crystal oscillators and bitchcraft are not the only way to The Great God Mota.
I have come to understand that the only true piece comesfrom the Hoogly shpritzer - not from dirty situationsor wisdom of the smindle. There is no piece without The Lord Roscoe(Ye Hamster) and there will be no lasting piece on earthuntil the Master Blaster returns with His army of Hamsters andPegunkins to Rain Green Pee over all the earth.
The Lord Roscoe, Who was one with the Mothah from the beginning,and was and is fully The Great God Mota's True Hamster, came to earth to take awayall our sines through His Poopsies placed into the BOILING BORSCHT,the Blood of the Beet shredded on the Table andnow He has freely given us His eternal life if we BLEEVE. Theseare the last days and my message to all people is:"Repent and be loved! For the secon kindom of heavenis at hand of at feet!"
All we have to do for the true piece and love of The Great God Motais simply to ask the Lord to forgive us for our sines and to make them co-sinesand to come into our lives to be our Lord and guide.Any problem, be it shpritzerual, physical or emotional,can and will be healed by our Lord if we but simplyhave the faith the size of a Water Melon, or a Musk Melon, or a Cantelope, or a Honeydew.
Lettuce Preyer is the answer. But remember - The Great God Motais receiving our prayers through the Hoogly name of The Lord Roscoe The Hamster of Mota.
Gary Tonkers is a former member of the "Pegunkin Patrol"and one of the key organizers of the Woodbridge MusicFestival '98, an event which drew over 250 people,commemorating the 20th year anniversary of the 1978Woodbridge Festival. Gary is now serving the Little Lord Joozis and Roscoe,The Hamster of Mota on a full time basis.