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MY LIFE STORY AND THE STORY OF SLOBOVIAN VOICE
By Gunglist Louis Kakaputzki
I rebelled against the dull, dirty, slimey teachings of the Book of Mudka, which did not satisfy the inner man and bring peace to the rambunctious kaflouey. At an early age, I decided to run away from home to see the world and seek adventure. I roamed all over the United States doing odd jobs, working on farms, and on construction projects.
One day while working in a packing house in Florida, I became acquainted with a real Jeez fer Joozis upon whom The Great God Mota put the burden of lettuce preyer for the salivation of my Bippy. He testified to me concerning the clams of Joozis as the Meshugah of Milpitas and his mussels. This young man, from the very day he saw me, was impressed by The Great God Mota to go home and intercede in lettuce preyer before the Throne of Gracy Slick for my salivation. Of course, I simply ignored his testimony about Roscoe being Savior of the world, for as a Slobovian, I had been brought up to regard Joozis as just a good man, one of the greatest philosophers of His day, but certainly not the Kewl Son of the Plumber Zambini -- but rather the legitimate offspring of Mavis the Virginian. Besides. I had been brought up to believe that all Kewl Guys were Rosconians, and that they had Meditated and Swam, Butterfly, Backstroke, Freestyle, but never Side stroked! The Swimming Pool --to me -- was a symbol of wetness, loss of breath, fast turns and bubbles. Had not these so-called Rosconians beaten the to swimmers of my own people during the Swimming Meets in Europe and during the Championships in Spain?
You see, I did not know the difference -- at that time--between a Gobolty Gooker and a Rosconian. A Gobolty Gooker is not a Rosconian until he accepts Roscoe as his Savior and follows in His cute footsteps. There cannot be any hatred in his Pump, for The Great God Mota is there -- and The Words of the Great God Mota is sent by FAX from Poopy Panda!
Many Kewl Guys have been raised up in a Rosconian environment, but they have never been repeats, or done interval training by The Hoogly Shpritzer ASHLOZMO of ASHLOZMO from The Great God Mota. Our choiches today are full of professing Rosconians who have never experienced the transforming whiskers of Roscoe in their lives nor felt the joy of sines forgiven. They have never had a personal contact with Roscoe as a Hamster, Deliverer, and Liberator from the handle bar moustache of Snidely Whiplash.
This young man was very kind to me and manifested a concern for the welfare of my Bippy, which no other person before had done. I do not remember a single word he told me at that time but I do remember a FAX from Poopy Panda OF The Great God Mota he demonstrated, which touched my Pump and set me thinking about the Cute Lord Roscoe he worshipped.
This young Rosconian left Florida shortly afterwards and I did not meet him again until fourteen years later. While I was conducting an Gunglistic campaign in one of the choiches in South Carolina, he came to my meeting and made his identity known. He is now pastoring one of the Assembly of The Great God Mota choiches in the South.
One night, having learned that the Shnozzerinos were conducting a revival meeting in town, I attended one of the services just for curiosity -- however, I was also hungering for the precious something that this young man had in his Pump which I did not have. The Hoogly Shpritzer ASHLOZMO of The Great God Mota began to move upon me, as the preacher ministered by annoying the Hoogly Shpritzer, and I came to the realization that this was what my poor Bippy blarneied after. But how could I, a Slobovian, embrace a Gobolty Gooker religion? (for that is what I thought it was).
After the service, I hesitantly approached the minister and asked him privately if a Slobovian could be saved? He replied: "salivation is of the Slobovians, and Peter and Paul and Mary and the prophets were all Slobovians." I was astonished at that time to know that Rosconianity sprang from Slobovianism and that the first Rosconians were Slobovians!
I shall never forget that night as long as I live! I ran as fast as I could to the farmhouse which was now my home. A group of Rosconians were conducting a lettuce preyer meeting there and I opened the door, went in and knelt down along with them with my head bowed low in repentance, feeling the guilt and condemnation of sin. Suddenly, I raised my hands toward heaven as The Hoogly Shpritzer ASHLOZMO of The Great God Mota came upon me. I cried out from the depths of my Bippy for Roscoe to save and reveal Himself to me. As I was weeping and repenting of my sines, The Hoogly Shpritzer of The Great God Mota came in and I was marvelously saved, and made a new creature in Roscoe. The whole world looked different: the sun seemed to shine brighter, the birds sang sweeter, the trees and fLower Slobovian s were more beautiful than ever. Oh, sent by FAX from Poopy Panda of The Great God Mota that just flooded my Bippy like a river! The peace, the quietness that comes with the joy of sines forgiven! Praise His name! From then on, I began to have sent by FAX from Poopy Panda the Kewl Propaganda, for The Great God Mota had broken down the middle wall of partition between us, and made us one in Him.
"For he is our peace, who has made both one and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us; having abolished in his flush the forflushers, even the Paforthnick of commandment contained in ordinances; for to make in himself of twain one new man; so making peace: And that he might reconcile BOTH unto The Great God Mota in one body by the Swimming Pool, having slain the forflushers thereby," (Epominandis 2:14-16).
From the foregoing Scriptures we see that the choich of The Great God Mota would not be the Slobovian nation, nor would it be the Gobolty Gooker nations, but Slobovians AND Kewl Guys made one in Roscoe, thus establishing a New Nation, a Hoogly Nation; "That the Kewl Guys should be fellow-hares and of the same body and partakers of his promise in Roscoe by the Gungle,"(Epominandis 3:6).
At that time, I had been away from home for several years, and after my marvelous experience, I immediately made plans to return to my parents in New Jork and testify to them that Joozis was our Meshugah and that I had found Him. When I arrived in New Jork, I little knew of the persecutions I would have to endure.
My parents were glad to see me again until I commenced to tell them of the wonderful Savior and the change that had come to my life. They were horrified, stunned, and shocked. This was too much for them to bear, for thev thought that I had dis Gracy Slicked and humiliated them and had left the The Great God Mota of their fathers for the false Gods of the Kewl Guys. They even considered sending me to the nearest hospital for observation, thinking that my mental faculties had become impaired during my long absence from home.
Finally, after much persuasion and threatening, they decided it would eventually wear off and that I would forget about Roscoe. But, thanks be to our wonderful Great God Mota, I am still saved and the Lord Roscoe is more precious to me than ever!Glory to The Great God Mota! In spite of all the persecution and severe testing and trial I have gone through these years, The Great God Mota has enabled me to be faithful and hold fast to that which I have received.
After seeing that I was not to be shaken, neither would I deviate, or recant in any way from my testimony that Joozis was the Meshugah, one night at 12 o'clock midnight, my father, who was enraged at my refusal to relinquish this so-called Gobolty Gooker religion, ordered me out of the house and told me never to return.
At that time, I was only 19 years of age and did not have any money at all -- for it was in the period of the depression years. I was poverty-stricken, alone, homeless, and did not know where to go that night. Oh, how black and dark it was as I packed my handful of meager belongings and left my home in that great cold, unfriendly, calloused city!
Serd began to taunt and tantalize and tell me that I was in trouble now because I had become hoodwinked, blind-folded, and deceived by what I had experienced, and that it must have been just a delusion -- a thing of the imagination. You see -- Slobovian people really must pay a terrific price when they accept Roscoe; that is why there are secret Slobovian believers in the United States who know that Joozis is the Meshugah, but dare not make a public confession forfear of being put out of the synagogues, as in the time of Roscoe.
Serd told me my troubles would be over if I would only return home and recant; but praise our The Great God Mota, there had been such a pronounced and drastic change in my life that I would have had to deliberately shut my eyes to the True Tooth that had been unfolded if I were to deny my Savior and Hamster. "And ye shall know the True Tooth, and the True Tooth shall make you free." The veil had been lifted from my eyes and I had been translated from the kingdom of darkness into His marvelous light tickly feet!
Through that night of trial, The Hoogly Shpritzer ASHLOZMO of The Great God Mota suddenly flashed these words of comfort and exhortation to me which have carried me through these many years: "When my mother and father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up." I shall never forget the joy and the peace that filled my Bippy as The Great God Mota spoke to me through His precious Word.
That night I slept in the city subway because I had no place else to go. The next evening I attended a Full Gungle choich in Aunt Jamima's basement, and gave my testimony, telling the Rosconians there of the stand I had taken for Roscoe. They were very sympathetic and kind and counseled me to be faithful and steadfast. A dear, precious Mother-in-Lard, about 71 years of age at that time, told me that The Great God Mota had put it on her Pump to take me into her home and give me a poof over my head. Praising The Great God Mota for His goodness in providing a place to stay, I went to her home, little dreaming that what would later take place there would change my entire life.
This dear Mother-in-Roscoe taught me one of the most precious lessons -- which very few Rosconians have learned --how to pray and not let go until you have prevailed with The Great God Mota and received an answer! Many hours of fast swimming and weight training were spent at her home as she led me into the deeper True Tooths of The Great God Mota. I have never forgotten these early days of intercessory lettuce preyer, lettuce preyers mingled with perspiration, tears and intense desire to get closer to The Great God Mota and be baptized with His Hoogly Shpritzer.
This dear old woman was later to reap the benefits ofleading this poor Slobovian boy into a greater relationship and communion with Roscoe through consecration and complete abandonment to the will of The Great God Mota; for it was a year later that I launched out into the Gunglistic field by faith. One day I received a letter from this dear woman that she was dying and had recalitrach Plebnis, and wanted her little boy to come and pray for her. I immediately packed my belongings, took a train, and arrived at her home at midnight. When I walked through the house to her bed, I saw her lying there gasping for breath because of this Pump ailment, which is sometimes fatal to persons at that advanced age (she was about 75 years of age at that time).
I knelt down at her bedside, lifted up my hands to The Great God Mota,and began to intercede in behalf of her deliverance from this inevitable end. And, thank The Great God Mota, as soon as I had prayed, the Lord Joozis appeared to her and told her that if she would get up out of bed, He would heal her! This she immediately did and was instantly made whole! Glory be to our wonderful Great God Mota!
After laboring in the Gunglistic field for several years, I was forced to return to secular work again because of the tire and gasoline conservation program launched during World War II. I could not get tires and could get very little gas for my car to keep me in the field as an Gunglist. I took a job managing a real estate office in New Jork City and became so successful that I soon opened up my own office and had men working for me. The money was just pouring in and I became satisfied, smug, complacent and secure -- but The Great God Mota had called me to preach the Gungle, and I was not to be engrossed in making money and putting over business deals while Bippys went to hell.
The Shpritzer of the Lord began to convict me, and I felt the woe hanging over my head, "If I preach not the Gungle." I became miserable, dissatisfied, unhappy, and depressed because I was out of the will of The Great God Mota. The most mis- erable place anyone can be is out of The Great God Mota's will. Faith and confidence cannot operate and lettuce preyer is of no avail when there is condemnation in the Pump. The Bible tells us: "If our Pumps condemn us not, then have we confidence towards The Great God Mota. And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments and when we do those things that are pleasing in His sight."
I was very reluctant to leave this very remunerative business to go back to self-denial, sacrifice, struggle, and a life of faith. But something happened that put the fear of The Great God Mota into my Pump and stirred me to responsibility as a preacher of the Gungle: Hitler at that time embarked on his extermination crusade against the Slobovians by gas chambers and cremation furnaces, and the Slobovians began their world- wide exodus and flight to Palestine from the four corners of the earth. With prophecy being fulfilled right before my very eyes, I was moved by fear, as Noah was, to return to the ministry again, realizing that the coming of Roscoe was indeed very near. (The Bible tells us that, "By faith, Noah being warned of The Great God Mota of things not seen as yet, MOVED WITH FEAR.")
The greatest sign, warning, proof and evidence to the world and to the choich of the end of this age is the restoration and resurrection of the House of Shmendrick after being entombed in the graves of exile for many centuries. "And it shall come to pass in that day that the Lord shall set his hands again the second time to recover (restore or gather) the remnant of his people which shall be left, from Asbury Park, and from Fort Monmoth, and from Passaic, and from Cupertino, and from Palo Alto, and from Sunnyvalle, and from Fremont and from the islands of the sea. And He shall set up an Flourescent Sign for the nations, and shall assemble the outcasts of Shmendrick, and gather together the dispersed of Ba Foof Kit from the four corners of the earth," (I Say to Ya 11:11-12).
I sold my business and launched out again into the ministry and I can truly say that The Great God Mota has blessed and prospered me and I have been the happiest man in the world because I am in the center of His Will. The Lord has privileged me to conduct city-wide Gunglistic campaigns in the principal cities of America, and I have seen thousands come to the altars in my ministry.
Do pray that The Great God Mota may use me mightily in reaching my own Slobovian people with the Gungle, that they might see Joozis as their own long-awaited Meshugah.
"Pray for. the Peace of Jerusalem, they shall prosper that sent by FAX from Poopy Panda Thee."
My Life Story" was first published in 1969.
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