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1) MOTA, who at sundry times and in diverticulous manners has bespaken unto the PEGUNKINS by the minor prophets: Allen, Bradley, Lemuel, McGillicuty, Marcus Lipmanus, and Big Daddy Pumpatua, and by the prophets: Mishigas, Moozis, Mudka, and Mishugina , and by the prophetesses: Gramma Oolia-Oomba and the Lady with the Alligator Purse and of course the most major prophet: Me, Peddidle who has received of Poopy Panda and the Lord Roscoe Direct Messages under the intersession of ASHLOZMO and received the Gamma Stigmata and the Shwarzenhiemer (the Hoogly Black Computer).
2) Hath in these days spoken to us by his faithfull sidkick Poopy Panda, who says in his lovable Growly Voice ,"Poop, poop, poopy"
3) Who being very cute AND cuddly and roly poly and very BRIGHT. Who has given us emetics to PURGE us of our SINs. AND has flushed those SINs verily to the bowels of the Earth, to the bottomless Septic Tank of SIN TIN TIN.
4) Being made from pure unadulterated laminated Chicken Fat and very smaltzy. He has made all the Angles to GET his inheritance.
5) For unto which Angle be it acute, right, or obtuse. For Mota said,"Though it pleaseth me that my faithfull sidkick has ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY and knoweth Operating Systems and NETWORKING."
6) An Mota let all the Angles and the Hipopotemoose and the Squares and the Oblate Spheroids be trisected for the greater gloyrosky of His Mother Elucelom.
7) And Mota set his Mish Mash converter upon the high hills to belch smoke and blither blather, and great balls of fire to the sound of the Hoogly Black Synthesized Piano!
8) But to Poopy Panda he saith, " Thy revolving recliner has good bearings and squeeketh not."
9) And the bearings were anointed with slimey precious oil of V-blocks and Preparation H and the pure waters of swimming pools.
10) And THOU of Mota in the first imaginary (square root of -1) manifoldings has laid up the PLANKs and the HIGGS BOSON.
11) And the BIG BANG shall wax OLD and be COOLED to 3 degrees Kelvin. Which is VERILY cold!
12) So our Mother Elucelom said," Change your underware and wash your face and take out the garbage and vacuum the hall."
13) But which of the Angles was made sacred, and by which Angles are Rooms made Square?
14) Are not they all true Angles, though being extended meet at the antipodes?
1) THEREFORE, hoogly PEGUNKINs, partakers of hooglyness, consider Poopy Panda, the faithfull sidekick of the Great God Mota. Jeez!
2) Poopy Panda spoke unto Mishigas, Moozis, Mudka, and Mishugina by the workings of ASHLOZMO.
3) Now Moozis was counted very worthy as he built a house for Poopy Panda, but Poopy Panda was even more worthy and had Gloryosky. Oh Boy!
4) For houses that are built by Men can be blown down by the Horrible Cane, but Poopy Panda can always find another house to live in.
5) And Moozis was very faithful in his house before the Horrible Cane and praised Poopy Panda Muchly.
6) But Poopy Panda cast the 37 purple ropes upon the house of Moozis and didst therefore save it from the evil Horrible Cane.
7) Wherefore harken unto ASHLOZMO and tune your VCRs to the Hoogly Channel(37).
8) Harden not your steatite furshlugginners as in protestation of the days of the Temptations and Bo Diddily Singing many and diverse praises to Lord Roscoe.
9) When your Veeblefitzers were bothering Mota they dissolved into component gasses for forty days.
10) Therefore, pad your data with redundancy and cyclic codes and Galois fields so no error be found with you and your ACKs.
11) So I swarenzie," Four Sooth, five Sooth even."
12) Take Hondas from the Hoods and ban then from your neighbor Hoods fore they are DON'T BLEEVERS in departing from the Mother.
13) Exhaust one another daily and say," DO IT TODAY." Lest any man say my furshlugginner was HARDEND through SIN.
14) For we Pengunkins are made partakers of the Hoogly Bupkes and true belief in Mota, Lord Roscoe, Poopy Panda, the Little Lord Joozis, Mother Elucelom, and ASHLOZMO.
15) For Poopy Panda has said," Poop Poop Poopy."
16) Now some DON'T BLEEVERS said not ALL have come from New Jersey and the Hoogly City, Newark by leadership of Moozis under the inspiration of Poopy Panda.
17) But I say unto them, " Are not all PEGUNKINs partakers in Bupkes and in all mana of Buba Meisah?"
18) So the DON'T BLEEVERS shall suffer in SNARF and DRECK and shall not see the SECON KINDOM up in heaven
19) And they shall not be carried into the Presense of the LORD ROSCOE by legions of cute and lovable Hamsters.
1) Let us fear of backsliding into Snarf. Some of you are too short. To them I say," stand on V-Blocks and listen to the true saying of Mota and Poopy Panda."
2) For unto us was the Gungle Given and not to the DON'T BLEEVERS. An they did not buy up the TRUE STOCK OPTIONS of Mota, but sneered and scuffed their shoes.
3) For they bought high and sold low and suffered in snarf and dreck.
4) And All those that beleive upon Poopy Panda shall in No Wise be cast out.
5) But those that DON'T BLEEVE shall suffer in stench forever.
6) Remember Mishigas did preach unto the stock brokers at the street of walls but they had unbeleif.
7) So harden not your steatite furshlugginers and hearken to the lovable growly voice of Poopy Panda.
8) For if the Little Lord Joozis was not found in that little basket of 100 dollar bills they would have not invested in the Temple of Mota at a very good price.
9) For after many notes are played a few rests are needed.
10) So if any man has fallen into unbeleif and among the company of DON'T BLEEVERS, gather together to rescue him and Wash His Brain of the evil Snerd.
11) For on the eleventh day Mota did rest and did set Maxwell's Demon into the Hilsh Tube and blew the evil Snerd out of that place.
12) For the Word of Poopy Panda is Growly and the word of Roscoe is Squeeky and the word of the Little Lord Joozis is Cranky and the word of Elucelom is Soothing and the word of Mota is Stochastic and the word of ASHLOZMO is in the Video Tape and the word of Poopy Panda came upon Mishugina in tthe wilderness.
13) Nether is there any, who has duds made from rose biege, except those that are blessed by Mota and Poopy Panda.
14) Seeing that we have a high priest, namely, Lord Roscoe, that has peed from the heavens and didst sprinkle upon us the hoogly blue pee and the hoogly green pee.
15) Now this high priest being Lord Roscoe has died not once, but three times for our SINs and given us two times more interest on our souls at the Roscoe Savings Bank.
16) Let us therefore come boldly unto the revolving recliner of Screeming Gracey Slick that we may obtain Mercedes and find Grace to help in times of bad BMWs. For every part that falls off is FINE GERMAN WORKMANSHAFT.
For in as much that all the priests of the other religions are seeped in Goblety Gook. As did Gramma Oolia-Oomba when she was Unsaved and took Commercial Breaks paid by Bali Waba's Goble Gooble Goble Gook.
2) I say ," The DON'T BLEEVERS are ignorant and way out and use infirm Compasses and have not the GPS of Trimble Navigation."
3) Who can Compress them and offer to Dissolve them of their SINs if they do not buy true Options of Roscoe and go to Ohio Go Zymos?
4) Are those who are elected leaders among you, mighty in faith for Mota and Elucelom as was Aaron of Zymos? And remember, he Poached many Chips in true offering to Poopy Panda.
5) Now Poopy Panda has Gloryosky for Mota has declared ," Thou art my faithfull Sidekick, for Today is truely another day and therefore rejuice!"
6) Now Roscoe is priest forever in the artistic order of Melted Kizzick, who was priest of the Most High Mota and had some Gloryosky of Elucelom , and was King of Swing, and was also known as the Duke of Elucelom and received offerings of Snake Meat Sauce from Gramma Oolia-Oomba and Big Daddy of Pumpatua. It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that Swing!
7) Now Roscoe did Squeek Mightily Many Powerfull Squeeks and called Melted Kizzick out of the lake of Borcht and the Amercan Bandstand and did fear Mota and the Cat-a-Wampus when he was among men.
8) Many Miles upon his Wheel did he Run for Melted Kizzick and to generate Power (A.C. and D.C.) for the people.
9) He being perfect was a true expiation od SIN, first for the achievement of eternal Salivation, second for the education of the Masses of Pegunkins, and Last for Gloryosky.
10) Called of Mota and Elucelom after the priestly order of Melted Kizzick to issue tunefull electronic and multimedea farts, of which ye have yet not tuned in onyour Video Tape Recorders.
11) For Video Tape captures utterances and images, but not smells, and then take care to break the recording tab lest ye over write and erase Hoogly Things.
12) So when it is time to learn Algebra and Calculus be sure to hire a good math teacher. And for instruction in the True Truth of the Lord Roscoe find a good and literate Elder Pegunkin for your instruction. Like Lenny of Palo Alto.
13) And if ye be unable to digest Lactose be sure to drink Milk treated with Lactobacillus Acidophilus or Yoghurt.
14) But strong Spices causeth upset stomachs and Beans cause gassious smells that burn when lighted with a candle. So all ye should take Bean-No with your Beans.
Therefore, notwithstanding, trounseth not upon thy Blue Swede Shoes. Let us achieve perfection, that which is achieved only with spit polish, which is laying on a good foundation of shoe shine, avoiding the use of worn leather and fur balls. Baptize in the pure waters of swimming pools and practice all four of the Strokes. The Roscoe has set me free style, the Black Stroke, the Flutterbye and the Best repentant Stroke. Practice laying on your hand position for a hand curled up hath no lift.
1) Believe in Mota , Elucelom and ASHLOZMO and also be of true faith in Roscoe, the Little Lord Joozis, and Poopy Panda.
2) Fear ye the Judgement of Poopy Panda who will come as an anouncer on TV. and ye may not know wence or on which channel He Shall Appear, but STAY TUNED.
3) If ye miss the anouncment and the Herd of Heavenly Hamsters leaves without you, Howbeit shall ye ascend into the Second Kingdom up in Heaven?
4) For it is impossible for those that miss the heavenly Herd to catch up unless they have been true beleivers in the Word of Mota and know the secret meeting place and have seen the Video Tape. And the secret Video Tape will be anounced to the Pegunkins by Poopy Panda, Himself and kept by Gramma Oolia-Oomba and her snake meat sauce dumplings.
5) So all who have tasted Latkes and were made partakers of Gefilte Fish and Won Tons, how can they find solace in mere Goyisher food.
6) And all who have tasted Knishes and Rugalah, can they be satisfied with coffee-cake?
7) For Roses are pleasing to look at and smell sweet, but have thorns whereas Snunk Cabbage hath no thorns, but hath Yuchy Smell.
8) So eat Apple Pie and Ice Cream for it is a la mode.
9) So let us open the Little Brown Book of the Sayings of the Wise Hamsters and Study.
10) And he that studies shall surely not be a leftist deviationist nor a rightist deviationist, but shall walk in straight paths for the sake of Mota. For when all the Histories are added and the Superpositions Summed the light beams of Elucelom are Shortest.
11) Take care lest the Wave Functions of Mota Collapse on Ye unemployed Quantum Mechanics.
1) Now of these things ,which we have spoken, in here is the summation. Mota is the Great Hoogly-God and center of all Hooglyness for in his manifold uncertainity were all things created, and Elucelom is his mother. Now Roscoe sits at the Right of Mota and Poopy Panda sits at the left side of Mota and the Little Lord Joozis sits at the foot of Mota. And the spirit of ASHLOZMO is in all places and dimensions both big and little.
2) Now where do all these Hoogly and illustrious Gods reside? They reside in the Second Kingdom up in heaven, beyond the Big Bang and the event horizon to where true believers are carried by the heavenly herd of Hamsters.
3) And the scripture teaches us of the great events in which the Hoogly and Gloryoskyfull Gods did speak unto the prophets, and unto those with discernment. For those prophets had many exciting adventures in the service of Poopy Panda.
4) All of the believers in these things are the mass of Pegunkins. A people who are dear to Mota and know the love of the Lord Roscoe and the Commandments of Poopy Panda and who are infused with ASHLOZMO. and who celebrate Roscoe Mess and Joozises Birthday and Horay, Horay the First of May (outdoor Screwing starts today) and attend High Hoogly Mess every Wednesday Morning at 1:00 o'clock.
5) Who shall ascend unto the Mountain of the Lord Roscoe and of Poopy Panda?. Those with squeeky clean hands and brains washed according to the commandment of Mother Elucelom.
6) For the True Covinint that is between Mota and the mass of Pegunkins and the bunch of Pedunkins, with intersession of ASHLOZMO, is of the True Hoogly Stock Options for the Temple of Mota and of the Temple of Roscoe and for the Temple of Poopy Panda and the Society of Jeez fer Joozis, all of which are by the Wash-Ka-Happy River in Red Wood Slough near Down Town Milpitas, only a stones throw from Ohio Go Zymos and Intel.
7) Now the Pegunkins have first right of refusal to all options in shares of the Temple of Mota. Even those Pegunkins who are of the tribe of the Bugaloos have options. And these options are available for the payment of a small sum of 100 papishkies to the Jeez fer Joozis.
8) And Indulgences are also for sale at the Temple of Mota as are Boomerangs and Swim Goggles and issues of the Roscoe's Voice Magazine and Mota's Journal and the Jeez fer Joozis News Litter
9) And small statues of Roscoe for your Dashboard are for sale as well as Little Lord Joozis Dolls. And if you want a car we have several used vehicles for sale.
10) And tape recordings of Hoogly Service for Roscoe are for sale as well as Video Tapes of Roscoe and Images of Poopy Panda for your portable Altars.
11) And little Hamsters are for sale in the Image of Roscoe as well as hamster cages and hamster food.
12) All California residents must add applicable Sales Taxes.
13) May Roscoe Bless you with Poosies in the Bank at the Roscoe savings bank.
14) To get your free catalog send in 1 dollar to Roscoes Temple, Box 195 Los Altos, CA 94023-0195
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